My Name is Roman Harajuku Barbie Smith, I'm 18 years old and I am wearing My Nicki Minaj Tshirt, victoria's secret bra, and Nike booty shorts. Obviously, I am a barb. Ever since I heard Super Bass playing out of the car radio on my way to my first day of 2nd grade, I've always been a fan of Onika's.
As I apply my stolen Sephora lip gloss, my mom screams my name (My mom is a bitch).
"What?!" I shout back.
My mom has always been a bitter woman, ever since my dad left when I was only three. We've been poor my whole life. Whenever I do have spare money, I spend it on Nicki merch and her music. Sometimes I wonder if i would be able to afford tickets to the Nicki Wrld Tour if my dad didn't leave my mom and me. But "I don't wish death on em, I just reflect on em", as Nicki says. I spray the Pink Friday perfume around my neck and head downstairs to see what my mom wants.
Martha (my mom) is waiting impatiently with her arms crossed when I get downstairs.
"Took you long enough, Cindy."
Oh god, she still calls me by my deadname.
"It's Roman, mom."
"You're still pulling that shit, huh," she says, "Anyway, I sold you. Pack your stuff."
"You SOLD me?" I shout back in confusion. Why on earth would she sell her own daughter?
"I'm not going to argue with you, pack your stuff," she coldly responds (like a bitch).
Tears roll down my face, ruining my winged eyeliner, as I run to my room. I lovingly pack my Nicki merch into my suitcase, making sure not to crease my This Pussy Pricey hat. This sucks, this fucking sucks. Barbz are the most persecuted minority in the world. My inky tears begin to stain my Queen (the Nicki album NOT the gay band) shirt.
All of a sudden, I hear a clapping noise, very similar to the clapping of a fat pussy. My ears prick up, I would know that sound anywhere. I ran downstairs at the same time as my mom tells me,
"Meet your new owner."
My prayers—long ignored—have finally been answered. In front of me stands the Nicki Minaj, Nicki Lewinsky, Nicki the Ninja, Nicki the Boss, Nicki the Harajuku Barbie. I must have died and gone to heaven.
