I don't really know how to start this because I don't know when I realised that the things I feel aren't what girls feel. I haven't felt convident with my body for months and years but didn't realised what I could have known earlier.
I'm nonbinary. My name is Sam and I use they/them pronouns.
I think I realised it before a few months. It just felt wrong to be called by my deadname and the wrong pronouns but I didn't realised that that is the problem. Then I googled a bit about my feelings and many nonbinary people, transgender or genderfluid people (...) felt the same but I thought (as always ^-^'): "Noooooo... why should I be not cisgender? Why me?" And for many weeks I didn't knew the answer of my question. If I'm looking back on these weeks I ask myself how I could be so blind.
Now we get to my coming out. The first person I came out to was Jannik. He's my best friend and I am in an LGBTQ+ WhatsApp group with him. He's pan so I knew that he'll be ok with it but I was nervous as hell. I just telled him that I wanted to say something. He wanted to call me but I was so nervous that I was'nt able to say anything so I said "no" and wrote him a message. I just sayed how I feel and that I'm nonbinary. Then he called me and telled me that there's nothing wrong with me and asked about my pronouns and name. That was the best reaction I could have had.
The next persons I telled were my friends from the school. I felt so good after that reaction that I telled them circa one and a half week later. Jannik was calling me and we developed the crazy idea that I could come out to them. I wrote both a text about my feelings, my pronouns abd my name. As you may know: I was nervous again and shaking like the leaves of a tree in a fucking storm. He said the whole time that I should try to calm down but I couldn't. I try to describe what I felt in that moment. It was like a big wave of anxiety but I was happy that I've done this. I was giggeling and shaking at the same time 'cause the adrenaline rushed through my body. A problem was that I was'nt able to breath normal. Jannik tried to help me but it didn't really work. It was just crazy.
The answers of my friends were nice. They weren't able to understand everything so they asked a lot things but I liked it. I was unbelievable relieved.
And don't ask why but I came out to my class at that night too. I think I was kinda high of the positiv messages. Again I wrote a text about how my feelings are and which pronouns I use. My class reacted positiv too. I felt so happy in that night that everyone accepts me.
A bit later I came out to my teacher because I was afraid that they will know it from anyone who's not me. I wanted to explain myself and decide by myself when I come out. I wrote a letter to my class teacher at one day and at the next day I gave it to her. I just telled her that she should read it. After the physics lesson (she's our math and physics teacher) she said that I should come to her. Everyone got out so we were alone in the room. I was really nervous. Then she said that she accepts me and asked a few questions. One of them was if she should tell the other teachers and I said yes. I bursted into tears because I was just happy.
I tried to come out to my mom at an evening but she said that it's just a phase and that kind of stuff, which really hurted me. I mean, you tell your mom that you don't fell like a boy and she says that it's just a phase and everybody has that feeling. That's the last thing you want to hear in that situation. I was crying after that and I didn't want to go to the kitchen because I knew that my mom will be there and I was afraid but I was so hungry that I wasn't able to resist. Again my mom tried to speak about it but instead of making it better she made the situation even worse for me. I felt very uncomfortable. Then I bursted into tears acain because I couldn't understand her. Since that we didn't spoke about it. It really hurts and it's very frustrating but my friends help me with that.
In the end I can say that my friends and teachers are trying their best to call me with the right pronouns and name which is very nice.
To everyone who has not a very nice social invironment I can just say: Stay strong! Try to search people who feel the same and can help you. <3
