Are You Kidding Me? [Billie Eilish]

[00] Cero.

"Wait, you want us to what?" I asked astounded.

"We don't want you to anything. You are going to fake date," Billie's manager explained.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"Wait, wait, this makes zero sense!" Billie tried again.

"I gotta say I'm with her in this," I mumbled.

"Shut the fuck up, [Y/N]."

"Bro, I'm backing you up, what the fuck!"

"Say one more word and I'll strangle you."

"Girl, I'm into that, it wouldn't do much."

"Listen, girls, we already went through this, it's not so hard!"

"Yeah, you just want us to pretend we're dating. Very simple!" I heard Billie exclaim sarcastically.

Her manager did not seem fazed, "exactly!"

"Okay, but why? Shouldn't you make her fake date a man? If the artist were actually gay--, no offense here, Billie, I'm not assuming anything--," I motioned with my hands to explain better.

"None taken, I'm definitely not straight," she shrugged.

Oh, is that so?

"--Then the record wouldn't want them to come out, maybe even date a guy for appearances. But you want her and I to date, and we're both women," I paused for dramatic effect. "So I'm kinda lost here."

"I would like an explanation too, to be honest," Billie sighed as she rubbed her forehead.

"It's easy," Her manager started, "[Y/N] here is a very well known influencer, that also happens to be a lesbian--."

"Yeah, no shit," I rolled my eyes.

"--And you have a lot of fans, yes, but gay artists are getting even more recognition now for being who they are! Coming out and having open relationships to the public and shit--,"

"I'm kinda getting a homophobic vibe there," I cringed.

"--Now imagine if your gay fans suddenly duplicated, or even triplicated when they found out you're in a relationship with another woman!"

"Don't I have enough fans? They're a lot."

"You do have a lot, but [Y/N] has 20 million more followers than you do, and those 20 million might suddenly be interested in your music if they find out you're in a relationship with her," he smiled.

"How the fuck did you get so many followers anyway?" Billie frowned at me.

"Bro, don't ask me, I don't get the hype either. I literally just play videogames and make stupid blogs," I shrugged. "A ton of people did start following me once they found out I was a lesbian, though."

"You see?" Her manager smirked at her.

"God, I hate you," she groaned.

"So, it is done, then! I'll see you two at 7pm for your first date. You guys better get to know each other in the meantime!" He stood up from the chair and made a move for the door. "Everything's already planned with your manager [Y/N]," he smiled at me as he walked backwards.

"That traitor," I mumbled.

"Wait, we're starting today?!" Billie exclaimed.

"Yes, now go on, I'm gonna have lunch," he opened the door and went out.

"Can we at least get lunch too?"

"I'll send food over!" He called from the other side of the door.

"I don't want the vegan shit she eats, though!" I screamed so he'd hear me.

"Noted!" came muffled through the walls.

I sighed and turned to Billie, who was frowning at me, making me laugh nervously.

"Well, we better get on to it, then," she said, annoyed.

Oh man, these next hours were going to be a pain in the ass.

...

Oh shit here I go again.