Storytime: Based on true stories

Motherless child💔

Now this story i am about to tell you guys is what changed my life forever. If you are an emotional person then this might make you cry or even feel where i'm coming from. I remember this day like it was yesterday. Around the time i was in elementary school when this happened. First let me start off by saying that i lost my mother to breast cancer when i was 12, she had it ever since I was 11 so you can basically say she had it for about a year. When i was 11, me and my mom was in the car riding to the dollar store to get a few things. So my mom was on the phone with my aunt and you know how black mamas are they be on the phone for a long time talking about who knows, but this day she wasn't on the phone long but it was long enough. So as i'm sitting in the backseat minding my business, i over heard my mom telling my aunt that she went to the doctor today and she found out that she had cancer. Now me being a kid, i didn't really know what cancer was at the time, but i did hear about it before. We eventually made it to the store and my curiosity was killing me to know what was really going on with my mother and i was gonna find out one way or another. We went in the store and i asked her "mommy do you have cancer?" she replied yes baby i do" "is it bad?" i asked and she just replied with a simple "yes baby cancer is very bad". I didn't ask her about it no more after that. I didn't really know what it was,but trust me I was finna find out real soon. In the beginning it wasn't that bad, but halfway through the year she had it, things started turning for the worst. Around the time when she first had it she had minor symptoms like her hair would start to fall out, but it was apart of her going to chemo therapy and the meds she was on. She took quite a bit of meds and it kind of scared me because I didn't want to see her all doped up all the time or always in pain. The first time i seen my mother get a major symptom was that her breast had a huge lump in it that looked like an actual baseball or a softball. It blew my mind because I never seen anything like it in my entire life. It kind of made me squeamish because it would leak a green liquid and it was just gross. I can say she was in the 1st or 2nd stage when she first found out about it because it seemed liked her symptoms got worse and worse very quickly within that year. I went with her to her chemotherapy appointment one time because i wanted to know what was the process and how it worked. I aint gonna lie i wouldn't like sitting there with her because she would be hooked up to a machine like she was in a hospital room and i din't like seeing her like that, it actually scared me a little. About 3 or 4 months into her sickness, she eventually had to go into surgery to get her right breast cut off because at this time it was aggressive and tried to spread to other places so they had to act fast. After her surgery, it seemed like she was getting better, but it was only getting worse we just didn't know it yet, but we was slowly finding out. Within the last 5 months her condition had gotten worse to where she went permanently horse and some how her arm was physically decaying very very slow. We would have to wrap her arm up because it would swell up all the time so we kept it wrapped to keep the swelling down. Like it was really weird because somehow she found a way to smile when she woke up everyday even though she was in pain knowing she didn't have much time on her side she still made the best of it. I remember one day my mother even told me she was ready to die and she even cried, just hearing my mom say that broke my heart and even made me cry. I just sat and hugged her and silently cried to myself because it was heartbreaking to know that she really felt like that. A couple more months passed by and it was now january. Now i didn't know my mother had as many brothers and sisters as she did, but i eventually met them. My grandmother always told me people know when its getting close to their time to leave this earth, b ut i never knew what she meant by that. In february my mom threw herself a birthday dinner and invited my aunts and even had gifts for them. But you know sometimes family be on that snake shit saying they would come and never show up and always give bullshit excuses as to why they wasn't there even though they knew she had planned this. She was grateful and happy for the people that did show up and keep their word, it really made her happy. From february to may she was in and out of the hospital more frequently and things started to go downhill from there. In april she threw me a nice little birthday party for me which was a surprise because i didn't think she was gonna do that. I was so happy because that was the best day of my life and i will never forget it. The last few weeks that she was living things got so bad to where she had to walk around with an oxygen tank because she would have a hard time breathing and her hand would shake like she had bad nerves. The last week of her life, she was in hospice because at this time it was nothing more that the doctors could do, it was up to god at this point. You know in the hospice places they make the patients comfortable for however long they in there or however long they had left to live. Not knowing that was my moms last week to live she didn't seem like it. The first few days that she was in hospice she was up moving around, cracking jokes and talking to my granny, aunts and whoever came up there to see her. Me and one of my sisters would go up there and spend nights with her before we went to school to keep her company so she wouldnt be alone. As the days started coming to an end she kind of slipped into a coma, but she was really brain dead. She couldn't move, she couldn't talk but she could hear you. The last few days that she was living, it got to a point to where she couldn't keep no food or any liquids down, she would throw up anything she tried to eat or drink. I can say she basically starved and was dehydrated, she was really suffering. On May 7,2012, this was the day i will never forget. This day I was at school and my sister and I got an early dismissal because we were going to stay with our mom at the hospice place. People I hadn't seen in a long time were coming to visit my mom and it felt good seeing them, but something in my gut was telling me that this day was going to be different from all the other days i came to see her. So later on that night about 7 i decided to go in the room and lay down and go tot sleep. So im sleeping i would say for about an hour or longer and something in my dream was telling me to wake up. I was laying there for a minute until i slowly started waking up out of my sleep and i heard crying. I woke up all the way from my sleep and i raise up to check my surroundings to see what was going on. I stood up off the blow up mattress i was on and i looked at my granny and she looked at me and she told me that my mom was gone. I was looking so lost because i couldn't process this in my head so i asked her what she said again and she said the same thing again. All I could do was rush to my mothers bedside and to see for myself. I seen her laying there just lifeless and all I could do was break down into tears. Just seeing my sister laying on my mother tapping her wanting her to wake up begging and pleading really made me realize that this is it, she really is gone and she is not coming back. Sometimes I look back and think sometimes like I could've prevented her from dying, but god already knew what was gonna happen before it happened. That night I couldn't do anything but just cry my little heart out. It was hard trying to get my mind off of it but its still hard to believe that she is gone. About a year later i fell into deep deep depression about my moms passing because i just couldn't cope with it and it was eating me up inside and i couldn't take that pain. It got bad to where i actually tried to kill myself i even cut myself hell i even overdosed on my meds that i had because i didn't want to feel anymore pain i just wanted my mom back. Over time i tried to cope with it and it got better, but it will always feel like something is missing. Now 7 almost 8 years later i still get sad from time to time because she crosses my mind all the time, but i know she smiling down on me because im accomplishing things i never thought i would ever do in a million years. mommy i promise to keep your name alive and to make you proud and i promise to make something out of myself. I just hope you guys feel me on this story. Losing a loved one its gonna be hard, but just pray and ask god to keep you on the right track and to guide you in the right direction and to not crash. Its gonna be bad days but just always remember the rain don't always stay they fade away and its always a rainbow after the rain.