Dear Diary, What's happening to me?

August 29, XXXX

Dear Diary,
I'm scared. I don't know why.
I'm scared of hurting other people even though I don't have people to hurt.
You know what I mean, right? You don't know. I don't know. My mom said
I should write everything here, not just what happened to me but what I'm feeling too.
I might be too young to be worrying about what college courses I should pick but I don't really
know what to do for a living. I don't want to be a middle-aged man regretting his decisions in life
Why couldn't things be simpler? Why do things need to be this confusing?
I can't even stand up for myself, because of my walls of broken morals are blocking m-!

"Hey, wanna be partners"

Shit, he might see my diary!

I'm in too deep in my thoughts that I didn't realize that Brad was talking to me.
I didn't even know that we have to pair up or why do I have to pair up for.

"Arghh, ok. That's fine yeah", I said, "sorry, sorry. Um, why do we have to pair up
Anyway?", I was worried about him thinking that I hate him
for accidentally scaring me.

Also, why me? Of all the people you could pair up with, why me?
Is it because I'm new here too cause that would actually make sense.

Basically, we have papers that have questions. We'll put our name
and give it to our partner for them to answer.

The questions were typically like:

*What was your first impression of me?

*What kind of person do you think I'll be?

*What are your interests?

I not really sure what to answer in Brad's paper.
But I'd just have to be honest.

My first impression of him?
He's confident and really optimistic and based this on his introduction yesterday

Kind of person he'll be?
He'll be with the popular guys for sure.

His interests?
I don't know, are we supposed to guess?
How am I going to guess, we're not even close?
Well, I think you'll be a sporty guy.
You like sports. Final answer.

After a few minutes, we exchanged papers again.

"Now, you have to read what your partners wrote to each other.", Ms. Smith said to the class.

I was shocked at what he wrote. I don't think people complimented me like this for a long time.
It was full of positive comments, but maybe it's because we don't know each other yet.

"Do you want to start first?", Brad says.

" Ok.", I'm not used to read for anyone so let's see where I'll go.
"Number 1, The quiet guy who's good to everyone."

I don't what to say, he's right at the 'quiet' part but I don't know about the 'good to everyone' part.

"Really?", I said with doubt.

"I mean, you look like a nice guy.", Brad said.

"Well, thanks then.", I said. It's surprisingly comforting with the way he said it.
I never felt calmer after he said that.

"You're welcome.", He said with a grin on his face.

I forgotten what it looks like to have people smile at me, even if it's just a little grin. The usual smile that mom has given me has a sense of pity in them that reminded me how pathetic I must be. But Brad's smile was different. It's genuine and full of hope. You can actually see in his eyes that he believes what he says. I don't know how that feels...