Jaysuh One-shots

Garden of Gore

(WARNING: CONTAINS DARK THEMES. PROCEED WITH CAUTION)

"Need me to drive you home?"

"Nah, my house is close enough. I can walk."

"Alright, be safe out there!"

"See you later Hoho!"

I smiled, waving goodbye as my chest tightened. As soon as Jay was out of sight, I slammed the door shut. Tears quickly stained my eyes, oh my god it hurts. Clutching my mouth, I sped to the bathroom. Blood seeped through my fingers as I desperately tried to keep it from dripping on the floor-- the stains are always difficult to get out.

Reaching the toilet, I let my mouth empty the contents. What seemed like an endless stream of blood poured out, all off it looking an ugly shade of red. I violently coughed as more blood splattered, most of which on the tiles. Small yellow petals, even some whole flowers, fall from my mouth; it would be kinda beautiful in a way if they weren't bloomed in my lungs. I close my eyes, my head falling into my hands. I struggled to breathe, the flowers still lurking in my throat. I tried to ignore the immense pain, just in and out Hosuh. This has happened hundreds of times before, you just need to control it. A river of salty water streamed down my cheeks, blood and tears dripping onto my pale legs. I feel my neck tighten, bringing my head over the bowl again for another wave of torment.

After an hour of pure misery, nothing seemed to be caught up in my throat any longer. I wash the rest of the crimson fluid from my mouth in the sink, still a metallic taste lingering on my tongue. I walk to the closet in the bathroom and pull out a mop. I look down at the space I collapsed at and seeing an ungodly amount of blood, it's getting worse. I sigh and flush the toilet, which was almost filled to the brim with red liquid and flowers. I'm absolutely disgusting.

I mopped up the blood with haste; the more episodes I have, the faster I become at cleaning it all up. Finishing up, I put the mop back in its place until my body decides to throw up blood and flowers again. I go to my room and collapse on my bed, completely exhausted. I hate this stupid cycle of pain.

I stare up at the ceiling, my eyes tearing up again. If I don't talk to Jay for a day, it gets worse. When I talk to or hang out with him, it gets worse. Once he's gone, it gets worse. No matter what I do, I can't stop the blooming inside my lungs. There is no healing, there is no cure. It's all downward from here.

Yes, I understand I have the Hanahaki disease. Yes, I understand all I need to do is confess to Jay. The problem is, what would happen if he turns me down? Will the disease kill me? Will I cough blood until there is nothing left in my body? It's a terrifying thought. Then comes the question of what would happen if I didn't say a word. Maybe it would be a less painful death than the one of rejection, or maybe I wouldn't die at all. It's hard to tell when all cases of this disease have been entirely fictional; I probably wouldn't even be able to get the flowers removed due to this never happening before. Though I don't know what I'm stressing about, worst case scenario Jay rejects me and I end up dying. While painful, it would finally be over. It can't get worse than that, right? But there is one thing I know for sure, I can't keep living like this.

I have to tell Jay, I need to. I can't take another day of this pure agony. I can't take another day of puking up flowers, puking up my own blood. I don't even know how I'm still alive. All because of an unbearable feeling that will never go away. No matter how much I pray. But it's alright, it's okay. I will invite him over tomorrow and declare my love to him. It's kind of messed up how he has complete control over my fate and doesn't even know.

I swallow the bit of blood building in my mouth and lay on my side. I pull the blanket at my feet over my body as the tears from my left eye stain the mattress. I don't bother to turn out the lights in the room, I have nightmares in the dark anyway.

I was about to shut my eyes until my phone beside me started ringing. I groaned, picking it up and looking at the screen. Confusion spread across my face as I saw the caller, Dan. Why would he call me, especially now when it's dark? Dan always texts, never really liked talking unless it was in person. So why?

I tapped the green 'accept call' button.

"HOSUH!" He shouted, which made me jump, "Hosuh, oh my g- Jesus Christ, I'm so sorry."

I hear his voice cracking up on the other side of the screen, my grip on the phone tightened as I stood up, "Dan, calm down. Are you alright?"

"I-it's Jay," Dan replies, "I-i was on m-my way back from work an- I'm sorry I know you liked him b-but-"

"Dan what the hell happened?!" I yelled, apprehension flowing through my aching body.

"Jay g- Jay got hit, it was awful there was so much freaking blood everywhere," Dan stammered, "t-they couldn't make it in time, he's-"

The phone slips from my hand, crashing onto the floor. I don't move, I don't breathe. I just let blood once again flow from my mouth, red tears falling with it. Everything hurt, yet felt nonexistent at the same time. None of this seems real. It can't be. Jay can't be dead, he's at home waiting for me to ask if he wants to hang out tomorrow. I'm going to tell Jay that I love him, and he's going to say he feels the same way. The thought makes me smile as the waterfall of crimson keeps flowing, this is hilarious. I start laughing, even though I have no air left inside me. I clutched my head in my hands as whole yellow zinnias fell from my mouth, slowly drifting to the floor while covered in blood.

The blood flow from my mouth stops, my throat being clogged with the disgusting flowers. I hear Dan screaming for me on the other line, but I'm not listening. It's difficult when your ears are ringing loudly and every word sounds slurred. Next thing I know is that I'm on the floor beside the phone, pulling my hair in my hands. I lay in a pool of my own blood, staining my hair and clothes. The absolute pain is unbearable, and the question arrives again.

How am I still alive?

I'm not breathing, I've lost too much blood, there's fucking flowers corrupting my body. So how am I not dead yet?! I used all my strength left and propped my elbows against the ground and dragged my body across the floor. Luckily, I have a small house so reaching the kitchen was a little easier. Opening up a drawer, I scraped my hand across the blades until I reached the handle on one of them. Pulling out a knife, I pointed it towards my body.

If this disease won't kill me, I have to do it myself.

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"I'm sorry Mr.Ko, your friend Hosuh Lee didn't make it."