Weeds | k.sj

Dandelion

A/N: Here we are, the opening of my new Jin fic. This is more of a Prologue, so it's a bit shorter than my average chapter. Reminder: This is a mature story. Drug use and possibly triggering events related to sexual assault take place in this chapter. I keep the assault off-screen and vague, but please be kind to yourself if this could trigger you. I will not be offended if you put your mental health over reading this. For those who read my previous Jin fic, Headline, I have given it to Marili_Cruz as I think she will do a better job with it than me.  Enjoy!

///

Summer 1963

"My, look at the two of you, growing like weeds," your grandmother said as you and your older sister, Juhee held out handfuls of dandelions.

"They spent all morning picking them," your mother said, crouching down to place her hands on your shoulders and nodded towards the old woman you didn't remember. 

Your mother had said you'd met her when you were a baby, but you remembered nothing of her. She box dyed her hair black and smelled of tofu and vegetable soup. Your grandmother--while she had come to visit from Korea once--was now permanently moving in with the family. 

"Now, girls, what did we teach you to do when you greet your elders?"

You and Juhee bowed politely. Not sure if you were supposed to close your eyes like in church, you kept them open, staring down at your grandmother's brown leather shoes. When you came back up, you realized you'd held your breath and you breathed in deeply. 

None of the adults seemed to notice and they chuckled. "Ah, such good girls," your grandmother said. 

"Juyeon," your mother said. "Take your grandmother's bag up to her room."

You took the carpet bag from your grandmother and nearly dropped it from the weight. You dragged it onto the porch and up the stairs to your grandmother's room. It faced your neighbor's wheat field and had once been yours. Your parents forced you to give up the room and you'd cried as your father moved your bed into Juhee's room.

You set the bag down with a thud, noticing the luggage tag wrapped around the handle. You recognized Des Moines, Iowa printed towards the bottom, but on top was Hangul. Your father had taught you the sounds of each of the characters made and you squinted your eyes to read them better.

"Pa-ju," you sounded out, unsure of what the word meant. 

"Very good," your grandmother said, causing you to jump. She chuckled and sat down on the bed and bent over to pull off the luggage tag. "Paju is the place you're from." 

"No, I'm from Iowa," you said, a pout forming on your lips. 

Your grandmother gave you a tight-lipped smile and reached down to tighten your falling out ponytail.

///

Spring 1973

"Hey there, dandelion," your boyfriend said, his smile a little crooked and his blond hair already beginning to lighten in the new spring sunlight. You'd bleached your hair in an attempt to match his, ending up rather with yellow hair, the color of the dandelions that dotted the fields along the highway. 

You entered the barn and closed the door, the only light provided through the cracks in the door and the bare bulb in the corner the two of you met. Plopping down in the hay next to him, he handed you the blunt from his lips. He placed his arm around you as you laid down beside him and took a hit. 

It was warm and you felt your muscles relax back against the hay and wall of the barn. You didn't enjoy smoking that much, but the way it released your tension like a deflated balloon. Taking the blunt from your lips, you handed it back to your boyfriend. 

"That's exactly what I needed," you said. "I couldn't sleep at all last night." 

"Your grandma again?"

You nodded. "The Xanax isn't helping her at all. She still screams and cries all night."

"You can sleep now if you want." He squeezed your shoulders and have you a small smile. 

You giggled and rooted your nose into his soft flannel. He smelled like sweet corn and weed. "I need to be home by ten," you said. "Don't let me sleep too long."

After a couple more hits, your eyelids fluttered closed on their own. Never had you ever felt so tired and the sound of twilight crickets calmed you as you surrendered yourself to sleep. 

///

The next thing you remember that night is walking through the front door at one in the morning. Your head felt hazy and your throat parched. You reached for the couch to steady yourself because the world spun around you. This wasn't just a high from weed. This was something else entirely.

You only remember the ache in your legs and your stomach, your mind working at half pace as it taped all the pieces of that night together.

"Juyeon," the voice of your grandmother said. "What happened?"

You knew you didn't need to say anything. Your grandmother had never liked your boyfriend, never liked the color of his eyes, or the way you bleached your hair to look more like his.

"Young lady, how could you let this happen? Haven't I taught you to be smart? To look out for yourself?"

You breathed deeply as you tried not to crumple underneath the weight of hazy events in a barn in an Iowa cornfield.

"P-Pearl," you said. "My name is Pearl."

///

It was four a.m. and you ran your fingers over the bus ticket. Your hair had grown out and you chopped it all off so it was back to black. You'd gone to the mall and spent your last paycheck on the bus ticket and a suitcase full of new clothes and makeup. As you applied the eyeliner and lipstick, you looked like a new person. You looked like the Pearl Cho from Los Angeles, not the Pearl Cho who was born and raised an hour outside of Des Moines, Iowa. 

Your bedroom door creaked open and your grandma stood there. It wasn't uncommon for her to be up at odd hours of the night, but normally by the early hours of the morning, she would finally fall asleep. 

"You're leaving," she said.

"Yes."

"You'll come back. You just need to get it out of your system."

"I don't think so. I think I'll finally fit in somewhere. People will finally understand me and I can get away from--"

"You'll be overwhelmed in a city like that. Where no one knows you, everyone is bigger than you." 

"I want no one to know me. I want to be invisible for once."

"You're a dandelion in a field of daisies, Juyeon. And the sooner you realize that the better off you will be."

///

Five days later, you arrived in Los Angeles. The air was hot and heavy as you got off the bus. Yet, while the weight of the air settled in your hair and on your skin. The rope around you waist that tethered you to Cho Juyeon snapped. No one had come along and picked you, blowing your seeds off into the world. So, you had to do it yourself, your white fronds blowing off into the wind, leaving just a stem. A stem from which a new head could grow.