On My Mind

Maw Sool

Most people like that weird kid named Matt were looking at the opposite sex. Not me meaning I'm lesbian. Kept a secret from everyone for years. Guys I could have nothing to relate. Girls I have everything to relate.

Guys are perverted also. That Mark dude from the football team touched my boob and wanted more to do with then I ever wanted.

I always say in the corner of the room. My best friend and my crush Natalie usually sat next to me having no idea. I wanted more than friends. You've probably heard the stuff after suspension if you don't Matt's best friend got them both suspended.

Usually when my name was in a sentence people say Maw cause I hate me name and my dad wanted me to like girls (He wanted me to be a boy) so he called my Daniel. Because my mother died near after my birth, he called me Danny. But by middle school I went by my middle name, Marisa but there was to many Marisa's so, I went by Maw. Don't ask. Witnessing almost everything in school I just hid myself.

Natalie was leaning against the school holding a Pepsi. Her red hair was pushed to the wall. It seemed like she had no secrets. A open book. I felt to unsecured to let my secrets out. Most people looked like a open book to me. Jade, Matt, Mark, Sean.

Nat and Jade would be a good duo. Both strike fear into men.

Natalie signaled me to her. "What you doing Sool?"

"Just thinking about the future."

"That's your problem with society you think too much!"

"Maybe or society just hates girls who are ugly."

"Maw you are beautiful no one can tell you different."

How much do you weigh?" She continued.

"85"

"Jesus fuck are you fucking anorexic?"

"Little bit" I scrunched my fingers together.

"Lift up your shirt."

"Why?"

"Just do it. Not too high" She put a candy cigarette in her mouth.

I lifted my shirt my ribs stuck out. Too ugly to bare.

"The fuck you need to gain weight if anything"

"Okay"

Natalie gave me a hug. It was too cozy then I thought it would. Damn it was too good. Her skin was cold the opposite of my skin. Natalie was only 25 days older than me. She felt like a older sister that I could date.

"Shit!"

"What?" We separated

"I got to go see you Tomorrow, Maw"

Her red hair walked as she did.

I thought of why Nat wanted to see my bottom half of my torso.

I had one of my best idea of the century. If I gained enough weight to fit into my body I'll look prettier, better and I can convince her to be lesbian without getting caught.

The Dean came out like he usually does to check if kids stayed. "Shit" I whispered to myself as I ran

"Hey you white blouse."

"Damn it!"

"Watch your mouth."

I sat in front of Mrs. Shadenhower's desk. Waiting for my father to come while my mother got a transplant. My dad knocked.

"Thank the lord." I said arms out wide.

"Don't get too excited."