Emotionally Complex

Save me?

You know that I love you, but love isn't always light, healing, and blissful. It can be dark, suffocating, and chaotic. My pulse beats erratically when I think of you, and when I feel my chest tighten, and the tears pour from my eyes, I wish I could forget you. I want to forget you, God I want to forget you, but you are in my head, you are in my heart, and you have found your way into my soul. Every breath I exhale holds your name, every thought I think brings me a glimpse of your face, and every time my heart beats I can feel it beating for you and you alone. Your love is consuming it fills me up and tears me down. It breaks my heart and heals it all within one fleeting glance from your icy eyes, and those lips how I long to kiss them once more, but you don't love me anymore. How can it be that the person you would give your life for, who once loved you, can turn away and abandon you. I would give my soul to have your love again, but is a love like that worth sacrificing for? Is love in general worth it?

Am I worth it?

I question myself every day, who am I to deserve your love? Who could love me, I am hopeless, a mess, a disaster, someone who ruins everything with a single touch. I am Midas and I turned our love into gold. Gold, something that appears beautiful on the outside, but is solid and unliving on the inside. We were the perfect match, our friends and family doted over how perfect we were for each other, but on the inside, I was dying, and you were watching the life leave my eyes. No remorse, no compassion, and no love. I am in the dark, and you know how terrified of the dark I am, but you left me alone, and now I am frozen in fear, too afraid to find a way to escape this torture. Can you save me? Would you want to save me? When we ask ourselves these questions, we know that no matter what we would do anything to save and protect the ones we love, but when we ask these questions of others, we doubt, we second guess, and our uncertainty makes us question if we deserve to be saved.

I don't deserve to be saved.

Leave me in the hell that has become my mind. My soul is lost, I'm a wandering void, looking for salvation. I can't find it, why can't I find it? Will I ever be found? I find life desolate, and bleak. I swim in the frozen waters waiting to be recused, but the longer I wait the further I sink, until not even the longest rope could pull me up to the surface. I hold my breath for as long as I can, and wait for you to take my hand and bring me from my doom, but once again I am let down, but this time, as I sink to the ocean floor, I don't hear your voice, I can't see your face, my heart doesn't beat for you.

It doesn't beat at all.

I'm dying, your love was poison, when I thought it was my antidote, and now it is too late. The water is no longer cold, and for once I am at peace. I have nothing to lose, and nothing to prove anymore, I jumped for you, and you let me sink, and that is where I will remain.

In the depths of despair and death. Farewell to you my love.