His Dreamer

11

Chapter Eleven - Close

December has started and with it comes harsh obstacles. I flick through my planner on a cold Monday evening, my blanket and clothes doing nothing to warm me. I've just been on my laptop to see what work I need to get done before the Christmas holidays and it's a lot. As I write due dates down and the times I need to meet with my supervisor I come to the startling realization that I must reduce my work hours.

Obviously my degree is more important and I can't pretend that I can keep up with the workload with two jobs. But that means I won't have enough for rent and groceries. Stress and anxiety instantly plague me as I worry about how I'm going to survive with less pay until the holidays.

I bite my lip hard as the back of my eyes sting. Glancing around the room helplessly my eyes wander to a cardboard box sitting in a pile of other things I had brought from home when I was kicked out four years ago. Getting off the bed I make my way over to it and sit cross legged on the floor. I drag the box towards me and open it up to find years and years of memories from my childhood. Before things went downhill.

I sift through the pictures of me with my family, on holidays or just out for the day. A sad smile graces my lips as I recall the good times we had and I wish we hadn't ended up separated just because I chose a different career path. It takes me a while to realize that I'm crying when a teardrop lands on a picture I hold up. Chuckling humorlessly, I wipe it away before looking through some school stuff. I come across a card I made when I was perhaps five years old and in it I had drawn a picture of my family while writing that I love them very much on the other page.

It all becomes too much and I hastily close the box before pulling my knees to my chest. I rest my head on them as sobs escape me. I don't know why I'm crying when it's been four years and they don't care about me anymore. Why does it still hurt so much? I wonder to myself as pain blooms across my chest. We're family, blood related. Why don't they care? Why do they act like I don't mean anything to them anymore? Why couldn't they be happy for me and support me?

I let myself have a good cry before collecting myself and getting my shit together. With a heavy yet troubled sigh I walk back over to my bed and pick up my phone to text AJ and my boss at the café, Mindy. I tell them both that I need to take less shifts because of college work piling up. Mindy texts back that she understands while working with me to figure out my next shifts but AJ calls me right away.

"Listen, I'm going to pay you while –"

"No, AJ. No, I'm okay." I bite my lip hard as tears brim my eyes, waiting to fall once more.

"Zoe, this is not a time to let your pride do the talking. You didn't trust me with your personal situation for nothing. Let me help you." He insists and I hastily wipe the traitorous tear that escapes.

"I can't accept that, it's not fair." I reply hoarsely. His thoughtfulness warms my heart yet makes me cry at the same time. "I can manage, I promise."

"Kid, I'm not going to be losing money. If it bothers you then you can take extra shifts next semester to make up for it okay? Think of it as a small, temporary loan." He explains and I sigh in defeat when I realize he's not going to let this go.

"Alright, fine. Thank you AJ, you don't know how much this means to me." I sniffle as the tears continue to stream down my cheeks endlessly.

"I struggled too when I was younger, I know what you're going through Zoe. It's going to be fine, just remember that I've always got you." He replies softly and I smile.