The only thing you could concentrate on, was the single rose in your hand. The colour of the petals as red as Natasha's hair and as red as the ground on Vormir after Natasha's sacrifice. The slight sting of the thorns keeping you grounded, keeping you focused.
This was the first time you were here by yourself. All of the previous times someone went with you, mostly for emotional support and to make sure you didn't do anything you would later regret.
You guess it's true what they say, the longer someone's gone, the less people care. The first three months after her death, everyone kept a close eye on you. There was always someone close to you, ready to help, cook, clean or just be a shoulder to cry on.
But slowly everyone started to move on and get back to a somewhat normal life. They only lost a friend, whereas you, you had lost your whole world.
The closer you got to her grave, the stronger your grip on the rose got. A rose, a red rose, also known as the lover's rose. Which is what you and Natasha were. Lovers. Partners. One could even say Soulmates.
You could see it now, you only needed to take a few more steps and you would reach her grave. Part of you still couldn't believe it. You knew the job came with it's risks, but hell, she was Natasha Romanoff. She could do anything she wanted. No one could bring her down. Which turned out to be exactly the problem in the end.
You slowly sat down in front of her grave, and put the rose down, only to realise you had been holding onto it with so much strength that your hand was bleeding from where the thorns punctured your skin.
You were too tired to feel it though. You hadn't had a good night of sleep since that night. She always appeared in your dreams, causing you to wake up screaming and with a heavy heart.
You wish you could hold her one more time. There was so much the two of you still needed to do. The small box in your pocket constantly reminding you of that.
The worst moments, however, weren't when you were mourning her, no, the worst was when you forgot she was gone. When you would wake up in the morning and try to find her next to you, or when you would come home and say, "Honey I'm home". Only to realise a few seconds later that you're never going to wake up next to her again and that you were coming home to an empty apartment. Those moments were the worst, since it was like losing her all over again.
Today it had been a year. A year of not having seen Natasha's smile, a year of not having heard her voice. It was time for you to move on. It is what she would have wanted.
You looked at her grave again. A single tear slowly rolling down your cheek. You promised yourself you would still come and visit her, but you also needed to move on. So you slowly turned around and started making your way out of the graveyard, while more tears started to fall down your cheeks. You still loved her, but you had to move on.
Because after all, she was nothing but a memory anymore.
