beautiful mess - kth

SIX

Eight months. I don't know why I still think about you. I should forget about you but I can't. Why are you still haunting me?

+++

"You're dead, Y/n. Dead." She yelled. She stormed towards you. But before you even realised it your hand had hit her face. Sunghee gasped, and so did Nayeons friends. Nayeon held her cheek, it started to turn red.

"I am going to kill you, Y/n!" She shouted. Some people turned their heads to watch what was going on, they might've even filmed it. "I'd like to see you try-" Sunghee pulled your arm, trying to drag you away. "Y/n! You're drunk stop it!" She said. You were about to speak when you saw Taehyung in the corner of your eye. He didn't see you, but he did notice Nayeons face. "What happened?!" He said. He rushed to Nayeon, touching her face and asking if it hurt. "Ask your ex." She answered. Nayeon pointed her finger towards you and Taehyungs eyes stared at yours. "Y/n?"

"Did you hit her?" He asked firmly. You scoffed. "Like she doesn't deserve it." Nayeons eyes widened. She tried to walk towards you but Taehyung held her back. "Nayeon don't-" "You- I did nothing to you!" She yelled. You took a step towards Nayeon. "You ruined my life." You said calmly. Your eyes shifted to Taehyung. "You both did."

+++

You opened your eyes. "Finally, you're awake." Sunghee said. You groaned as you sat up straight in your bed. "What are you still doing her..?" You asked Sunghee. She chuckled. "I slept here, figured you might need some help when you woke up." She answered. You sighed. "My head hurts." She started laughing. "Of course it does, you didn't go easy last night." She answered, smiling. You furrowed your brows, making Sunghee a bit confused. "What?" You chuckled, shaking your head a bit in amusement. "I hit her." You said. Sunghee flicked her fingers on your forehead. "Ouch! Sung-" "Yes! And why aren't you regretting it?!" You widened your eyes in defense. "She deserves it!" Sunghee shook her head.

You both looked at your bedroom door as the doorbell rang. "I'll get it." Sunghee said as she stood up and walked over to the front door. You slowly got up, feeling dizzy as you did and walked out of your bedroom. You stopped your movement as you saw who was standing in the door frame. "She's not feeling well right now so-" "Sunghee come on, I just need to talk to her!"

"What's going on?" You said as you watched Sunghee bickering with Taehyung. Sunghee turned around, looking at you. "Taehyung is trying to get inside and I'm trying to send him away!" You sighed. "Whatever, just let him in." You answered. Taehyung smiled and walked inside. Sunghee walked over to you. "Don't forget he kinda took Nayeons side last night, I'll go." She whispered. You nodded at her before she walked out of your apartment.

"Came to scold me for hitting your girlfriend?" You asked. Taehyung chuckled. "I'm not angry." He answered softly. "You're not?" You asked, a bit shocked. You thought he would at least be a little angry. He shook his head. "Then why are you here?" You asked. "To apologize. Nayeon must've done something to make you so angry that you'd hit her." He said. You looked away in guilt. "She didn't actually.." You said quietly. "I kind of provoked her by telling her you kissed me." You said. Taehyungs eyes widened. "You-" He stopped his sentence and sighed. "It's fine. She would've found out anyway. She knows something's going on between us and she fought me about it countless of times already." He said.

"Listen, last time I came here I tried to explain myself but that didn't go well. I wanted to try again, if you'd let me." He said. "I got angry last time for a reason, Taehyung." You smiled sarcastically. "But I need to explain, everything." He replied. You sighed.

"When we were still together, I didn't feel happy. We fought a lot and it made me really upset." He spoke. "There are fights in every relationship, Taehyung!" You said. "But we fought so much, sometimes we fought every day and I couldn't take it anymore!" He continued. "I felt like we weren't good for each other. I just didn't want to be in a relationship where all we do is argue."

You sighed. Maybe you weren't as innocent as you thought. "So when I met Nayeon, I felt like I had someone who did make me happy, who wouldn't fight with me all the time and wouldn't make me upset." He said. "I loved you so much, Y/n. But I needed to feel happy. Nayeon made me happy." He continued. You wanted him to stop talking. His words hurt. You finally realised you weren't innocent at all. Taehyung left, because of you..

"You found out and broke up with me and I felt so bad. I didn't think I could ever feel that way but hurting you made me miserable." He continued. "However Nayeon convinced me it was better this way. But as months passed and eventually a year passed I didn't feel happier anymore. I felt empty." He said. "When we were going through a rough time Nayeon convinced me that she was the better option, that she was better for me, that she would make me happy again. And I believed it, it was true but it didn't last. I didn't stay happy because Nayeon wasn't perfect. of course she's not, no one is, but she wasn't as good as she made herself out to be. She started to make me unhappy as well. But she was worse, she was much worse than you could ever be." He said.

"She made me feel horrible. In every one of our fights I somehow was the one who was always wrong. I was always the one who had to change for her. God.. I changed so much to suit her satisfaction but I hate it. I don't even feel like myself anymore." He spoke.

You were still silent, just listening to his words. He seemed distressed, he didn't like what he got himself into and it was so obvious now. "Then I found Yeontan, and I found you. You were beautiful, you seemed to be doing well for yourself, you were still as kind as ever. You agreed to spend a day with me when you were still so hurt by me." He said. You smiled subtly. "It made me realize that Nayeon wasn't what I needed. So I finally started talking back to her and everything was just going downhill. I was seeing you more and I was seeing her less. Of course she noticed I was becoming more and more distant and she got so angry with me." He came closer to you, caressing your hands with his. "Every minute I spent with you, every time I saw you I just felt better. I felt happier whenever I could see you-" "Taehyung-" You finally spoke. "I know where you're trying to go, but I can't go there." You pulled your hands away. "You need to understand, this isn't as easy for me as it is for you." You said. "You know that I'm not over you, but things were finally starting to get brighter in my life." He squinted his eyes. He wanted to say something but he just waited for you to finish. "I graduated, I got a job, I was in a new relationship.. I wasn't happy but I was better than I've been for the past year. And then you came back, and everything changed. I was back to square one. I lost whatever feelings I had for Jungkook and I was a wreck again." You said.

"I'm happy that you figured out what's right for you. But now I need to figure out what's right for me. And I'm not sure if that's you anymore, Taehyung." You said. He looked down and sighed. "We can try it." He said. He grabbed your hands again. "We can figure it out together, Y/n. You and me." He said. He looked you in the eyes. His right hand found its way up to your cheek, caressing it. "Tell me, are you still in love with me?" He asked. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath. "I never stopped loving you." You answered quietly. "And I love you." He replied. You looked up to him. Your lips parted. A tear fell down your cheek that he gently wiped away with his thumb. Those words.. You haven't heard those words from him to you in so long. "It may have taken me awhile to realize but I love you, Y/n."