Delinquent // Billie Eilish

ten

i feel like i'm never at my own house anymore.

i told billie once how no one's every home at my place and it gets lonely. she said something sexual, per usual, then told me i'm welcome at hers anytime.

she mentioned how it wasn't safe either to be by myself in a big, empty house.

billie's house was quaint and smaller, but so much more inviting. it felt like a home, despite there only being two real residents.

also maggie was a saint and knew about our relationship. she frequently made dinner for us and was always so selfless.

don't get me wrong, i love my mother but she's never there. nevertheless, i'm not sure how she'd feel about billie.

i absolutely adore the girl in every imaginable way, but my parents have different taste in people. preferably the opposite gender, clean-cut, and smart.

billie practically dresses and acts like guy, so i think she's good on that front. her intelligence is another topic, though. she's got a great mind and she's a deep thinker, meaning she likes to challenge controversial ideas.

billie's street smart.

calculus isn't her forte.

that's why my parents haven't met her yet. i'm going to try to put it off as much as possible. maybe they'll meet on our wedding day.

i skip over the fact that i'm already thinking about marrying her when we've only known each other for like five months.

sometimes i feel like a have this void in me from my parents' absence as a child. the constant nannies and babysitters. at times i loved not having any siblings, but for the most part, it's awful.

i stop daydreaming when billie leans back in her chair to look at me.

i'm currently straddling billie's lap, my head laying down on her shoulder as she casually messes around on her family piano.

even though she's not trying, it sounds amazing and could probably put me to sleep.

"you're thinking." she tells me.

"about what?"

billie can sense any instability in my mood from a mile away. somehow she knew me like the back of her hand, while i struggled to understand the things that go on in her own head.

"my parents, and how they've left me hopeless in an empty house all my life."

"hey, look at me."

my eyes slowly drift up.

"you've got me, remember? and my mom, too. fuck your parents."

at first i didn't think "fuck your parents" was an appropriate saying, but then i realized it was a more accurate statement than i thought.

they weren't there for me when i needed them. they missed my middle school graduation and 15th birthday because of that stupid hospital.

ever since i was young they promised they'd make more time for me and they only worked so much to keep a roof over my head.

i knew that wasn't true because i've seen there bank account. they acted like we were struggling and they needed to work to survive. missing a day of work wouldn't jeopardize the food on our table. hell, missing a year wouldn't make a dent in our well-being.

i feel like i've spent more time being around billie than with them and that's taking into account i've known them for eighteen years.

being with billie filled that void inside of me. and it's such a relieving feeling, being whole again.