In The Dark

Number One. Reality Bites

Elizabeth

It seems like an impossibility, for this dreadful little town to not be overrun by the dark clouds and rain that seem to hover over it constantly, if I knew where in the world, we are then maybe it would make more sense. Although I still cannot work out where could have weather as bad as this place, maybe somewhere in the universe knows that this place is full of wicked things.

Our little town seems poisoned by the tall building that peers down on it at the end of the main street, shops and little cafés have sprung up down the lanes over the years, maybe as a device to torture me. For a long time, it has felt like up the dreary weather is a symbol for the sadness that swirls around this penthouse, and the loneliness that fills up this apartment like toxic fumes.

I have limited knowledge on the people living around us, with the way it has grown it always seemed a possibility this town was created to hold me, maybe even others but I have never heard whispers of them or seen them. It's self-centred I know to think I am that important to another person but that has always been the way he makes me feel.

Either way, I know I am not the only one living here, in the middle of nowhere, excited about the warmth that beams down on the rest of us, the bright light casts shadows through the living room and I sit with my knees pressed against the window to feel it burning against my pale skin. Such little vitamin d will do that to a person, and supplements won't bring the colour back to my skin the same way.

I crave the coolness of an ice cream shop, I wonder if there would even be one around here because of the usual weather, I press my palms against the pane of glass to seek my warmth. If I was to go outside, I don't even know what I would do, and despite knowing I can't it doesn't snub out the craving.

There could be a quaint little bakery somewhere, with a pretty view of the park I can see in the distance, where I can just sit and watch the world go past while finally being a part of it. My days instead are spent sitting by this window and creating pointless fucking fantasies, that could never happen, even the most reasonable of dreams are unattainable. Just like me.

Trapped behind ninety millimetres of bulletproof glass, with no way in or out this has been my reality for far too long, and yet I still have the twinge of hope things will change. He made sure that leaving will forever be an impossibility, if the people down there could see me, I doubt making conversation would be high on their to-do lists.

Carter keeps them alive, gives them housing, jobs and peace, all of that is more vital than saying hello to some mysterious girl that they have never seen before and resembles that of a ghost after being inside for so long. It has always struck me as odd, at how unphased the townspeople are about the looming building, maybe they aren't allowed to care or be curious.

I know better than anyone just how intimidating Carter is, and nobody is ever willing to get on the wrong side of him, even though it feels like his is scarcely here, his power and legacy keeps everyone on their toes. Carter in a bad mood is something no one wants to see and yet I goad him every time.

Something about the theory eh built this town as a cover makes too much sense, it is somewhere he can keep me without consequence and a place that disguised his illegal gambling business and the ties to the real world it holds. A safe place for him to retreat to after a mission, one that'll risk his life and ends many other, it's awful but parts of me wishes someone would take him out.

It's a silly dream like all my others, mostly because him being dead would probably not equal my release but also because he is too smart to let that happen, on the weeks where things are worse, I find myself praying to someone that it'll happen this time. Maybe I would starve to death here.