The Melody Of Our Heartbeats

The Bitter Cup

Sasha took a careful sip from the steaming cup of coffee and sighed involuntarily.

Too bitter!

She wondered why Kevin was addicted to this drink. He always had a weird taste in everything.

Everything.

She gripped the cup tighter.

But still, she had to drink the damn beverage. It was the only way she could keep herself from falling asleep. She watched the steam swirling, slowly rising from the cup. The headache was getting worse.

Her eyes wandered around the dimly lit apartment and fixated on the small digital clock on the cluttered table.

11:56: The neon letters displayed.

"I'll be home by eight, honey."

She chuckled at the thought. But then, when did Kevin ever keep his word? She remembered every single promise he'd made, even though he didn't.

"I promise we'll go out this weekend."

"I'll never leave you hanging, I promise."

"I will always try my best to make you happy."

"You will always be the only girl in my life, I swear."

Her throat burned. The incident she saw early that morning played in her head over and over again like a video clip. Kevin and that woman. Their lips pressed against each other's. Of course, Kevin didn't notice her. He was too engrossed in what he was doing. It was a good thing because she didn't want to be noticed. She had felt pathetic.

11:58 : The little clock seemed to be mocking at her. Her eyelids felt heavy. Sasha took one more sip of coffee.

How was she expected to react? Was she supposed to yell and scream at him then and there? Was this the moment where she was supposed to break ties with him? Then again, how could people effortlessly move on after severing ties with a loved one, Sasha had no idea. She didn't know what she had to do. All she knew was that she loved Kevin, and she despised herself for that.

Beep! Beep!

The neon letters now displayed 12:00 and simultaneously, her phone screen lit up with countless birthday wishes.

One from her best friend. One from her brother. Countless messages from her colleagues and relatives. Not a single one from him.

Why would he, anyway? She let out a humorless chuckle. She had been hurt countless times, but why does this one feel more painful? She didn't know.

You have to speak up for yourself, you know, Her best friend used to say. Don't let them just walk away after hurting you!

She will do it, Sasha decided. She had to do it. How long could she keep holding on to this delusion of love anyway?

Anger welled up inside her, and she took one more sip from the cup. The bitterness didn't bother her.

"Honey, I'm home!" The familiar deep voice resonated through the small apartment.

Sasha instinctively turned her head towards the voice to see her husband, the man who she truly loved, the man who supposedly loved her, walk towards her with his signature smile. Suddenly, she felt so weak. So pathetic.

"Where were you all this time?" she asked even though she knew very well where he might have been.

"I had a meet up with an old friend of mine." Kevin smiled, not an ounce of guilt visible on his face.

She imagined how his meetup would have been like. She knew who his friend was. Images of their intertwined lips and delightful moans surged into her mind. Her vision became blurry. It was time. Time to sever ties with Kevin, to set her free from this bitter relationship.

Sasha took one long look at Kevin's face. This was it. This was the time to put an end to this fallacy.

"Kevin, I-" Sasha found it difficult to think. She felt as if she were sinking. It was getting harder to breathe.

Before she could start, Kevin suddenly took her hand.

"Oh, and honey," he said gently. "Happy birthday." She was taken aback as he hugged her and said those words gently into her ear.

Sasha didn't know what to say. She wanted to scream, to shout. She wanted to push him away. But she couldn't, because she loved him. She loved him so much that she was willing to remain in this delusion of a perfect relationship.

"Sash, is something wrong?"

Maybe he noticed her slightly parted lips quivering. Or perhaps he caught sight of the tears that were threatening to spill.

Everything. Everything is wrong. She thought.

Sasha took a deep breath. She had to say it.

"Nothing," Sasha said after a moment of silence. "Nothing's wrong. Let's just get some sleep. It's pretty late." She forced a smile.

Even though their relationship was a perfectly joyous illusion, Sasha wanted to remain in it a little longer. As the saying goes, ignorance is bliss. So she chose to ignore the cracks in their marriage and allowed herself to be deceived yet again.

I know he'll realize his mistakes. I know he'll come back to me, she tried to reassure herself as she clasped his warm hand.

On the jumbled table, the untouched, bitter cup of coffee became cold.