From the Other Side

"I see you came here at the request of your mother. Do you care to elaborate?"

My mind drifts to the room that is soon to be empty. "I'm not sure that I'm ready to say it. If I do, then it might come true."

"There's no harm in saying that." He looks down, scribbling something I can't see on his clipboard.

"Dr. Hartford, I'm honestly not sure why I'm here." The dirt underneath my fingernails suddenly becomes very interesting. "I know my mom paid for an entire hour, but do you mind if I cut it short? I can tell her I stayed the entire time."

"You aren't obligated to stay here any longer than you need. I feel I should say that solitude may seem like a safe place, but saying anything is always better."

"I've been told that many times, sir. I'm just not sure how much I believe it yet." I brush a lock of hair behind my ear. "I'm sorry to use up your time like this; I'm sure there are other people who have bigger problems than a dying grandmother."

"I can assure you, even though it may not seem like it, every problem is the same size. It's the fact that it's something you're struggling with that makes it worth my time." He swivels his chair and grabs a slip of paper from his desk. "Miss Rhea, here's my card. I'm writing my number on the back, just in case something might come up where you need immediate advice. I want you to know that you can call that number at any time, and I will pick up."

I grab the card from his hand and mumble, "thanks," before grabbing my bag. "I'll make sure to remember that."

                                                                                                 ***

The air in the room was colder than before I had left for the failed therapy session. For the first time, I felt I truly understood how the disease was treating my grandmother.

I sit on the hard chair that the hospital provided, watching the nurses go about their rounds. Their quiet hussle through the hallways bring the light of others who are slowly dying, holding onto their breath as if their loved ones will be gone before they exhale.

I never thought I would identify with them. How could I? I just finished University; life was supposed to be easy past that point. I wasn't supposed to be facing the harsh reality that the woman who practically raised me was being taken by some unseen force.

"Rhea, come here." Maw-maw's voice breaks through my train of thought.

"I'm here, Maw-maw." My voice threatens to break as I hold back tears at her state. "What do you need? Do you need the nurse or doctor?"

She looks at me with the most tender look. "Rhea, the doctors all came by while you were at that therapist." She grabs my hand that I am resting on her bed. "They all say that I most likely won't make it through the week. I just want to prepare you for my leaving."

"Maw-maw, you know I don't want you to leave. I'm sure the doctors are just saying a worst-case scenario." The tears that were threatening to spill began to pour. "Please don't leave me."

I gasp through the tears, trying to regain composure of myself. "Darling girl, this was always going to happen. They knew this cancer would come back one day; we just didn't know when or how bad."

The chair skids as I almost jump out of it.

"I'm sorry I'll be back." I speed out of the room, ignoring the calls of my grandmother to stay by her side.

When I get to the outside of the hospital, I lean back against the hard concrete wall and slide down. Curling into a ball, I do my best to hide my tears from the outside world.