I.JB
I stay up all night waiting for you,Jinyoung.but you're gone,you're gone.I never knew how much you were hurting.I never knew you had problems with your mental health,and I made it even worse.
I didn't know you were harming yourself,I just never knew anything.And,you loved me.You did everything just for me,you always had time to take care of me,but you never had time to take care for yourself.I was always with my friends,I never had time for you.
I never knew if I loved you or not.Sometimes I feel like I love youngjae,more than I loved you.But now,that I think about it.Im so stupid.
I never saw how much you loved me,even if I always got angry at you,fought with you,never accepted your love.you also never cared about yourself.
If I can just turn back time,I would redo everything.But I cant,I really can't.
When I saw you laying on the bathroom floor looking lifeless,I realized how much I loved you,how we used to spend time together back in the days.Im just so stupid..
I wish you were still here Jinyoung,caring for me.even if I would still get mad at you,I just want you to be here.You had alot of cuts in your wrists,you lost alot of weight.I remember telling you that you were fat,and you should eat less.I didnt know it would affect you that much.
You changed alot,you were such a jolly person,but now,you're quiet,you never go out anymore.and it was all because of me.God,Im so stupid.
I never even asked if you were ok,when you locked yourself in the bathroom,sobbing.
I hate myself,I hate myself for hating you.I actually wished I had never met you,so I wouldn't hurt you.I wished you just stayed with Jackson,the guy who had admired you.he cared so much about you,and sometimes he even gets mad at me for saying I'm a bad boyfriend.And I agree,I was such a bad boyfriend.Im so stupid.
I saw our old pictures,you were so happy,That time where you chased me and got mad at me for smearing icing on your face,the time where we tried to cook,but it ended up being burnt,and the picture that we took of the place where we had our first kiss.
I went back there,and I remember the time where I finally felt your soft lips,that tasted like strawberries.
I want to hold your hand right now,and say that I love you so so much.
But I can't,because
I'm so stupid.
Stupid.
Stupid.
Oh,look.i found the birthday card I give to you for your birthday.
Dear Jinyoung,
Happy Birthday,Love.
When I first met you,I saw my life in your eyes,you were like the guy of my dreams,but it's real life.I was not planning on falling in love with you,but I'm glad I did.you mean the whole world to me,Do you even know how special you are to me? There is no one else in this world like you, you are one of a kind. And you are the only guy out there for me,You are my paradise. I would gladly be stranded on you for the rest of my life.You are the rainbow after my storm,my happy place,and my whole world.i seriously can't wait for the day you'll say I do,because I know you will.The amount of love that I have for you cannot be summed up in just a few simple words,and I want to spend more years with you,even if we have a lot of squabbles.I just want to be with you every second.Thank you for making me the happiest person alive,Jinyoung.I never want to let go of your hand.I love you,and happy birthday.
How Jaebum wished everything he wrote was gonna be real,but no,it's too late.
I love you,Jinyoungie.
