it was a beautiful day outside. birds were singing, flowers were blooming. on days like this, kids like Shrek... should be waking up for school.
*BEEP*
*BEEP*
*BEEP*
Shrek slapped the snooze button on his Hatsune Miku alarm clock with his monstrous green lettuce hand. he groaned and rolled out of bed, a THUMP as he hit the dirty bog floor. he didn't bother putting any clothes on: it's not like he had a PENIS or anything. he stomped into the kitchen where Donkey was making waffles in his sexy lingerie.
'DONKAE! PUT YER FOOKIN CLOTHES ON, YE FAT SLAG!' Shrek roared at his smelly friend. Donkey jumped in surprise.
'get in the car shrek!! it's your first day at wizard school!'
Shrek hentai-moaned and stomped to the car. he was so fat he could barely fit inside donkey's baby shit yellow rolls royce. donkey waltzed to the car in his stripper costume and drove Shrek all the way to the train station. 'have a nice time baby!!' donkey called.
'FOOK OFF YE ENORMOUS CUNT' shrek boomed. he stomped through the barrier, knocking into someone on his way. 'AM TERRIBLY SORREH' he shouted.
'do not worry. i do not mind' said a voice. shrek looked down. there was a flattened ginger beneath his mighty feet. 'my name is Roonil Wazlib. i have diabetes.'
shrek fucking pounded roonil to death and carried on walking.
as he approached the train, the crowds of people thickened. he simply let out a mighty dick sneeze and they all backed off. he slammed open the door to a train compartment, and suddenly he locked eyes with the most beautiful man he had ever seen. a scrawny white teenager with ugly black hair, shitty grandpa glasses and a big fat scar on his head. shrek was in love! 'OH ELLO THERE!' he boomed.
'he llo. i am ha rry po tte r'
'WHY, WHAT A SEXEH NAYME. AM SHREK. CAN I BUY YE A DRINK?'
'a d rin k of w hat?'
'PISS' shrek roared. he unzipped his enormous dick and presented it to the young boy.
'o h , shr ek~'
