Octane x Reader

Part 15

Maybe I really wasn't good enough. That's at least what I think now. If I was better then she would have still been here. But what about my brother? Why didn't he help us? Why didn't he reach out? Had he even known we existed?

I sighed and pushed the dark thoughts away as much as I could. It would do me no good to think like that. I stretched and loudly groaned. I didn't want to sleep, I wasn't very tired. I also feel like I should take a shower. Every time I got off of a plane I always wanted to take a shower for some reason. I don't know if its just a bit of a weird thing that only I do, but its still valid.

I stood up and headed to the attached bathroom and closed the door behind me. The shower was fairly large and looked very nice all things considered. I can't believe all this nice stuff was on the same planet which I lived for so long in devastating poverty. It seemed almost disgusting.

I turned on the shower and waited for it to warm up as I stripped down, throwing my clothes to the side. As I reached in and felt the warm water, I felt myself let out a sigh. Hopefully this would be a bit of a stress reliever. I have been so tense and upset lately because of all this. I honestly just wanted it to end. No, I'm not talking about my own struggles. I'm talking about the steep economic imbalance. There were so many people here who could have helped us, so many people that could have saved my mother's life. Nobody did anything. I tightly shut my eyes and again pushed my thoughts away. We didn't need that right now, not in the middle of when I should be mourning. The warm water did do me a service just as I hoped it would. I quickly washed my body and hair, feeling no thoughts go through my mind. This was the first time in a long time I have been able to not think, and I cherished it.

I rinsed myself off and got out of the shower, taking a towel that was hanging on a nearby pole. I wrapped it around myself and dried off my hair with another, staring at my reflection as I did. I looked kind of horrible to be completely honest. I had dark bags under my eyes and lacked life, my expression seemed tired and annoyed.  I don't blame myself, but I need to start taking better care of myself. Not doing that will only lead to depression and sadness. I walked out of the bathroom, the towel still around me, to my bag and got out my clothing.

I picked out a monochrome shirt and some shorts. As I watched, I glanced over my formalwear that I would wear tomorrow. I hadn't found myself wanting much to wear a dress, so I had gotten a suit instead. I don't honestly understand why they are so expensive, but its alright. I had a steady source of income now that could support that. I became slightly annoyed with myself. If I had just been a little faster with applying I could have saved her. I could have at least prolonged the inevitable and had more time with her, but I was too slow to find out.

I quickly put everything on and hung up the towels. If only I could have visited under better tearms. I sighed and headed out of the bedroom to see Octavio. He was currently sitting on the couch and watching TV. It was odd to see him so still and focused on something. I walked down and sit beside him, to which he jumps and lets out a soft sigh.

"Everything okay?" He asks me, his voice leaking with sympathy. "How are you holding up?" He reaches his hands over to me and rubs my shoulders. I let out a soft groan.

"I'm alright. I'm just not at all tired." I responded. This felt good. A few moments later, he pulled his hands off of me and I leaned on his shoulder. His feet were tapping on the ground as I hugged him.

"Octavio?" I ask. He hums and looks down to me. "Do you think I could have stopped this from happening?" He pauses and sighs before shaking his head.

"Of course not. This isn't something that can be blamed on one person or thing." He said as he hugged me closer. I felt myself feel a bit better. "This isn't your fault, and don't for one second think that it is." I hugged him close and tried to stop myself from tearing up, though my efforts went nowhere as tears fell down. I quickly wiped them away and took a deep breath.

"You're completely right. This isn't my fault." I felt my sadness turn into anger as I thought of everything. It wasn't my fault. It was that damn plant's fault. She had worked there and they hadn't given out the proper protection. She was exposed to so many things that should have killed her, its a wonder that she didn't get sock sooner. I couldn't be angry forever. I let out a sigh and just stayed there laying on him, feeling myself grow tired. Maybe I did want to sleep. Maybe my mind just put that aside for a bit. I let out a tired yawn as I made myself comfortable on top of him. He laid back and I crawled on top of him, laying my head on his chest. I hope tomorrow goes according to plan. If anything happened then I don't know if I would be able to handle it.