Its been quite a couple of years of dealing with my mothers problems. I was in a very dark place, I never told no one. I felt lonely, hopeless, depressed most of i felt worthless.I felt like more of a punching bag that would be used day and night. I saw no light, in fact if there was light i would never reach out. Depression is like a war, its like a battle against yourself. Every thought is a bullet, every movement is a punch, every word is a stab in the heart.
Depression is a thief, it steals everything you once had. Depression is a botomless pit, never ending pain never ending struggle. You see this is what I felt exactly for myself . Till this day i have a scar on my right arm...i realize the abuse she has done carries over me, every second of the day.
So its the evening and i reached my breaking point. I dealt with abuse left and right. I never told anybody about my life. So my brother is eating and im in my room on the floor laying because i never slept in no bed. My mother is with him. So as time passed by, my mother finished eating and went to go use the bathroom. so i rush my way to the kitchen and grab a knife. My brother realized i grabbed a knife. I walked back to my room sit in a corner behind the door. My brother notified my mother i grabbed a knife.
As im sitting with the knife, i ask " why, why am i like this." Whats the point of life." " Im sure everyone would be happy if im not here anymore." I thought this would be the greatest decison, i would feel happy if i go to hell, since i thought it never exsisted at the time. So I point the knife closer, closer but just before i put it right through my heart my mother comes in. She takes the knife away me and says " You living shit, now i have to call the police because of your bullshit!!!!
So she calls the police and they take me to Bridgeport hospital. When the doctors would ask me questions i would just said it was all because of bullying. But when i was admitted to hall-broke. I let myself out. i told them about my abuse, i still felt depressed. they would treat me with medication and do recreation therapy. I stood there for about two months and the process into getting into a home for kids who don't wanna live with there family, or something like that. I had my dad visit me and we got to know each other in a personal level. Even though he wasn't in my life alot, he tried to be there for me but my mother didn't want me to see him. But this was a new chapter in my life. I met many people and friends, and it was just a lot of fun. But as time went by i was going no where. The home didn't accept me and i was getting impatient, I really just got more and more depressed as time went by. So i thought of a idea and idea that is a risk worth taking. A risk that has hope. A hope that may come if i risk and plan it right. its only fifty perscentrisk that it will work. A risk that could be good or bad. I'm a risky guy. I don't care if it can be possibly the worst thing that can happen to my life. So the plan is.......****TO BE CONTINUED
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L!F3
Non-FictionThe story of a boy who struggles with life of Abuse from Mother. He understands his purpose of his life and wakes up to who he really is.
