day dream ; yuta

o n e

e n t r y ; o n e

-
I wanna die.

All of this are tiring. I keep on doing what they want me to do and what they want me to be. I feel pressured. Their expectations are too high, that if I fail them once, they'll see me as a failure forever. I wish I was born on different family.

"Zara,wake up" I heard my sister's voice calling me.

I got up and looked at her, confused. Why is she suddenly in my room? She never visit me even though we're living in the same house. We rarely see each other.

"What?"

"Mom saw your report card,she asked me to call you. " she said with a serious voice and left just like that. Great! I will surely be scolded. AGAIN.

I fixed myself and went to the living room where my parents are both sitting and waiting for me. I haven't seen them for weeks maybe, they're always at work.

As soon as they saw me their face became so serious and angry? I sat down quietly and bravely looked at them. "What do you need?" I crossed my legs pretending that I'm not affected by the way they look.

"If you keep on acting this way,you can freely leave this house." My mom said after sipping her tea. I mentally rolled my eyes. They don't know how much I want to leave this house but not right now, I don't have enough money so I still need to deal with them.

"Your first term grades was good,straight A's. This term, You barely had an A. What's wrong with you?"She looks calm while talking but I can see the rage in her eyes.

"Mom, I only got two B! The rest was an A,what is wrong with you?!"  They are annoying.

"Now,you're talking back like that? What a brat!" she's raising her voice.

"You have Ara! She's got good grades, don't expect from me anymore. I'm not your only child. Stop forcing me to do this and that because I can't!"
She stood up ready to lash out. Whatever.

"I don't need someone useless. If you want to leave,you can go now.If you want to stay then at least obey us."Dad's voice echoed around the house.

Obey us.

Since when did I disobey them, maybe this is the first time. I'm proud of myself!

If they don't need someone useless then I should leave. For good. It's not what I planned but I'm freaking tired.

I stared at nowhere while my eyes are brawling with tears. Ugh! Too Dramatic! I could win an oscar if I'm an actress.

Okay,this is it. No regrets.

Mom,Dad and Ara, I love you even though we're not so close and we always fight. Please remember me. Mom,your dumb child would be jumping off the bridge and I know you want that. I'd probably choose death than to constantly be a failure. Dad, thanks for those wise words but honestly those words hurts. Take care of yourself,stop working too much. Ara, well I have nothing to say. You're my enemy since I was born but I wish you the best!
Love you all.
-Zara

Okay breathe in and out Zara. You can do it. I'll be counting one to three and jump. I look at the dark river below the bridge and it looks scary because it's night time. My soul will regret this for sure but this is my last resort to free myself.

I closed my eyes readying myself. The cold wind made me shiver.

"One" Breathe in.

"Two" Breath Out.

"Th-"

"Do you want to die?" I almost fell when I heard a man talking behind me.

"I don't !"

"If you're planning to kill yourself,then do it. I won't say anything. If you want some help, I can push you if want." What is he saying?!

Okay it's ruined. I won't kill myself anymore.Thank God I didn't jump,If by now I really jumped and died then I won't see this beautiful man infront of me.

"I'm just watching the river." I look around and saw that it's dark and not a good place to wander around.

"Okay. I guess you want to do it alone. Bye" He's really something. He is too confident and proud!

"What's your name?" I asked when I saw him leaving. I have no time to have a crush on someone in this situation but Oh God! He is my type!

If we won't see each other again, at least I know his name because I'm thankful that he interrupted that suicide attempt.

"Yuta" just Yuta? I need to know more. I want to ask his full name but I don't want to sound like a fool.
"Nakamoto Yuta"

I froze for a second and I saw him walking far away from me.

Nakamoto Yuta,I'm gonna find you wherever you are.