UNSTEADY ➢ spencer reid

LIABILITY

I slept the rest of the day, waking up around midnight. I groggily went to the kitchen and shoveled down some toast before grabbing my phone and going back to bed. I didn't bother checking my messages, instead I just set my alarm, plugged it in, before going back to bed.

I woke up at my usual start time, feeling physically better, but still emotionally drained. I did my morning routine slowly, still feeling a little bit sluggish from yesterday. On my way out I filled up a bottle of water and headed out. The thought of alcohol made my stomach churn.

I drove to work in silence. Traffic moved faster than normal, which caused me to be ten minutes early. Instead of going inside I sat in my car, staring at the front door of the building, praying that something would happen so I could just go home and crawl back to bed. Obviously that didn't happen. At some point, I found the energy to get moving and walked to my office, ignoring absolutely everyone around me. Once inside, I locked my office door and sat my desk, knowing full well it was probably going to be the longest day of my life.

Time seemed to drag on and on. Every few minutes I found myself glancing at the clock on my laptop. I sighed deeply. I couldn't focus so I pulled out my phone, realizing Spencer had definitely called me a handful of times last night.

"Shit." I called him back without even thinking if he was busy or not, which he obviously ended up being. The phone rang for about thirty seconds before I got his voicemail. I swallowed hard, waiting for the beep. "Hey, sorry I didn't answer, uh, I'm not," I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes, "I, um, I'm okay. Call me back." I hung up, letting out a heavy breath.

I didn't want to bother him. He was busy. He had to focus on work. Part of me knew that, but part of me was also desperate to talk to him. Just to hear his soothing voice, even if it was him lecturing me about my actions. I didn't care. At this point I just felt like I needed some guidance.

Someone wiggled the handle of my door, followed by knocking. I walked over, unlocking and opening it. I frowned, seeing Jason on the other side. "Look I'm really busy."

"Can we talk?"

"Not right now." I went to close the door, but he grabbed it and pushed it open before I could react. "Jason, stop."

"Just let me fucking talk to you, alright?" He said a little too loudly. We both looked around the hallway. Nobody was around. He pushed himself into the office, closing the door behind him quietly. "I fucked up."

I rolled my eyes, already tired of his constant apologies. "Yes and so did I now please leave my office, because I'm really not in the mood to talk anymore."

"Would you just," he spoke loudly at first, but quickly paused and continued quietly, "listen to me for once."

"I always listen to you. Listening to you got me fucking coked up last night, so if you don't mind I'd rather stop listening to you. I would also like to stop talking to you, because I'm done Jason. I'm done pretending like we're not fucked up. We are, and you can't stand the thought of me actually moving on and getting better, because you don't want to be left behind." I couldn't stop, it was like the floodgates had opened and everything I ever wanted to say out loud was scrambling to push itself out into the air between us. "You don't want to be left alone. I know that because I don't either. The difference is, is I have people willing to help me. I don't want to do this anymore. I want to be normal. I want to be happy. I want..." I started sobbing.

Jason stood there, his face changing between various emotions. Near the end of the cycle I could tell I'd hit a nerve, because the next thing I knew he was screaming. My brain completely detached itself from my body at that point. All I could see was his mouth moving, everything else was coated in a thick fog. He pointed his finger at me before opening the door, yelling one last fuck you and slamming it behind him.