LOVESICK ᵏ·ᵇᵃᵏᵘᵍᵒ

── 15

SECRET CONFESSIONS.

HE WASN'T COMING back, you were dumb to think he was. Wrapped in your blanket, you sat on the couch and waited for him, but with every passing minute, your hope dissipated. "I'm a complete idiot," you muttered, clutching the bag of Cheetos in agitation.

You were stupid to think that someone as prideful as Bakugo would come walking back into the common area, acting as if you didn't just tell him the kiss meant nothing to you. But of course, your fear of not meeting people's expectations made you panic, resulting in you hurting the boy you deemed to have feelings for.

The whole day at school was a blur of chatter and noise, your head buzzing in hate and regret. You didn't know how to make up for your mistake, or if you can even make up for something as fragile as feelings- Bakugo Katsuki's feelings, a boy who couldn't even talk without throwing in an insult.

Your hands dug deep in your skin, a prickling feeling coming from the back of your eyes. The situation was a mess, a mess you tried to find a solution to all day. When it came to your feelings for someone, your anxiety always proved to make it even more difficult to handle. But with all the other boys you had feelings for, Bakugo was different. So you had to fight for him, take responsibility for your mistakes and ask for another chance.

"I need to get my shit together," you shouted to yourself, bouncing off the couch with a glint in your eyes.

You stomped toward his dorm room, trying not to think too much about what would happen when you get there. "Just tell him how you feel, no biggie," you chimed, a nervous laugh coming out.

There was no time to turn back now, it had to be today- tonight. If Bakugo really meant that much to you, he deserved to know the truth. This wasn't a silly middle school crush, this was real.

You knock on the door softly.

Here's the fact: Katsuki Bakugo kissed you yesterday night, and you didn't kiss him back. Not because you didn't like him back, but because you didn't think you worth it- which you now realized was dumb considering the stubbornest person you know thought you were worth it. Every single night over the past few days.

No answer. You knock again.

You had to make things better or you could never live with yourself. You didn't want to go to class and pretend everything was okay, when in reality, not only would you have lost a friend, but someone you cared about deeply.

"Hello?" The room inside was dark, not a single raging teen insight.

As you walked into his room, you hear his soft snores from his bed, your figure freezing as you realized he was sleeping. Despite your want to clear the air with Bakugo, it would be selfish to wake him up after he's been having trouble sleeping. Even if you were currently not on speaking terms, you'll still keep your promise no matter what.

Turning toward his nightstand, you place the Cheetos on it. After that, you would've left but something caught your eye, the familiar brand piquing your interest.

The paper was from some notebook, the handwriting definitely belonging to the hot-head. As your eyes scanned his words, your mouth fell open to the recognizable titles. The paper you were reading was a list, and on it was every snack Bakugo had gotten you so far. You glance at the sleeping boy, "I'm so dumb..."

Scared to wake the boy up, you turned to leave only for your feet to remain in its spot. You didn't know why but you didn't want to leave, somehow feeling guilty to leave him without saying something. Saying anything now would most likely be useless, but the lump in your throat was painful and you just needed to let him know in any way or form that you were wrong.

You awkwardly sit beside his bed on the floor, your head leaning back on his mattress as you stared at his dresser in front of you. You let out a shaky breath, bringing your knees to your chest to feel more secure about yourself. "Back when I was little, I remember how a boy once confessed to me, he was a nice guy. But when it was my turn to accept his feelings, I only laughed and told him that he was just confused; we continued playing afterwards as if nothing happened."

"I notice now that I can't keep comparing the past to now," you say, gnawing your lip in thought.

"It's wrong to keep ignoring Kirishima's feelings for me and if I was a good friend like I said I was, I should've just talked to him instead of treating him like a fool. I shouldn't have played that stupid game either." Your eyes start tearing up, "I shouldn't have played with your feelings when I knew-"

You take a deep breath, wiping away the stray tear that escaped. "I'm just sorry for hurting you even after I said I wouldn't, that was wrong and I can't believe I did that," you choked out, your hands running through your hair. "It was all just very fast... I thought we would've had more time to work it out, I mean, we had something special. Our secret little world where we could do anything."

"I don't even know what I'm getting at here," you mumble, your eyes narrowing as huffed in annoyance. "What I'm trying to say is, after spending so much time with somebody you consider close, and something as complicated and scary as feelings come along. It makes me worry. I don't want to hurt you, but I will because I'm not good with this stuff. But it's not like I can ignore it either-" you lay your legs flat on the floor, crossing your arms in thought- "I don't know when the fuck it happened but now I can't even look at you without smiling like an idiot. I started looking forward to our meetups because it was always thrilling and never boring- at some point, I just stopped caring about the snacks altogether."

"So when you kissed me, I panicked."

You let out a sigh, calming yourself down after you poured out your feelings. "There's this fear you get when you like someone, it's kind of hard to explain, but it's this anxiety of not meeting their expectations. So when you kissed me, I was terrified. Not because I didn't like you, but because I like you so much that I was scared of disappointing you... and I was scared of losing what we had."

Your eyes bore into the ceiling, your heart pounding in your ears as you reflect on your exposed words. You were thankful that he was asleep, taking this opportunity as a test run before you really told him, face to face.

The floorboards shift under your weight, your blanket clutched in your grasp while you peeked at Bakugo.

"I'm going to do this again- but when your conscious and have an opinion on my stupid feelings," you jest, feeling a little better after blurting out your thoughts and feelings.

You looked down at Bakugo, his brows furrowed as his body was sprawled out along his bed. You couldn't believe that the boy in front of you had feelings for you and that you had the same ones back. It just made you think of how lucky you were to find someone like him, even if he had flaws you wouldn't change him. You just hoped he would accept you after he knew about your flaws too.

Remembering the first night you spent together, you cover the blonde with your blanket, Bakugo's features slowly softening. Feeling particularly bold, you place a kiss on his temple, "I won't ask for my blanket back until I win you back, Katsuki. It's a promise."

────