Annoying the heck out of some guy!

So I am doing this as just a parody. To be honest I know about very little about One Direction other than the fact that one of them likes carrots and the another has curly hair. Other than that I just decided to write this because I was bored and I just had this idea pop into my head. 

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September 12

(4:00 p.m.) 

"Where were you?" I asked my stupid "nanny". "You should have been here an hour ago." 

"I'm sorry, I was stuck in traffic." She lied through her strong French accent. "It is London, you cannot expect me to get through the place quickly." 

"Yes, but I can see from the back seat that you spent more time spending my father's money on jewelry." I retorted. "You know if it wasn't for you being a friend of my mother's you would have been fired by now." 

I managed to get my seat belt on before she pulled into the real drive way area. My nanny is such a bitch she can't even be bothered to worry about me. She isn't even a nanny, she is more of a stupid whore that drops me off at school too early then doesn't bother to pick me up in the afternoon. She is more concerned with getting in good with my father. 

Reaching over to the radio, I managed to get it to turn the volume up on a Weird Al song, some parody this time of Lady Gaga. At least it was better than some of shit they put on the radio here. You would think that a land of great classic rock would have better music than the shit they have now. 

My dear "nanny" looked uncomfortable as we got onto the main road home. I swear the woman can't drive, and I have to wait three months for my citizenship here to become official to get a permit to drive here. Which means little nanny is going to be gone soon? Thank goodness! 

The song ended as soon as we got merging with the rest of the traffic. "And now for all you teenage fan girls out there, we have the new single from..." 

"I am not listening to another one of those phony groups." I muttered as I turned the radio onto the c.d. player. 

"Why must we listen to the Russian lesbians?" My nanny complained as she managed to pass some slow driver ahead of us. 

"Because I happen to like them. And they aren't lesbians," I snapped back. "They are both bisexual, plus they aren't as phony as the shit that seems to pop up on the radio." 

Sheryl sighed as she managed to get through listening to my music, I listen to her weird French junk. I think she can deal with listening to my Russian music, at least they don't talk about sex as much as the stuff she likes to listen to. t.A.T.u. was the only thing that was keeping me sane right now, I fucking hate it here. 

I hated it in America, but England is so fucking worse. I cannot do anything without being called a stupid American, or being thought of as a lesbian all because of a dare. I thought that most of the people here would be smart and not so much like the snobby bastards I had heard about. Boy, was I fucking wrong. 

One of these days I will find a place where there is no more bullying and I can just sit around and enjoy music. Not dealing with being made fun of just because of the place I used to live in. I swear some of the people here are basically walking talking stereotypes. All we need are some James Bond characters and we have the stereotypical British. 

"Ya soshla s uma! Mne nuzha ona!" The girls of t.A.T.u. began to sing as the beginning of one of my favorite songs began.

While Sheryl just covered her ears uninterested in hearing two girls sing about their love for each other. She is such a homophobic it is so stupid. Sheryl thinks that if girls kiss girls then they are damned to live in Hell for all eternity. I most be going to Hell then, I like girls, I have kissed girls, and I have been intimate with girls. 

As soon as I get home I am going to strip down to my underwear and start singing and dancing about my love of girls. It is a perfect way to get my mother and father pissed off at me. I swear, I will be so happy when I can finally get the fuck out of their house.

I can go off and rent a flat in London and live their and continue to go to school. I am eighteen, I could move out right now, but citizenship is easier to attain with the help of parents. 

My phone of course had to ring at the best part of the song, so I turned off the radio and answered the phone as quickly as I could. 

"Hello?" I asked probably sounding a little too pissed off for my parent's sake. 

"Hey Liam!" Some guy with a thick accent said over the phone. "You ready to head out. The show starts in three hours and we have to get they're early." 

Wrong number, but hey this is at least a way to have fun with whoever the heck is on the other end of the phone. They'll probably miss the show or whatever the guy had said because of me, but who cares. It isn't like they know me or something. Wait... why would they think I sound like a guy? 

"Yeah, I'll be down in five minutes. Got to finish with this rash on my behind." I replied trying to sound British. "It has been there since I slept in the bath tub. I think the soap got up my arsehole and you know it hurts and I can't stop itching!" 

"Whoa dude too much information!" The guy said. "Why the hell were sleeping in the bath rub? And is there something wrong with your voice?" 

"Yeah, I slept in the bath tub because I thought it would be good for my cold. You see I think it made it worse,  now here I am with an itchy butt!" I replied trying my best not to laugh at the poor guy on the other end. 

Whoever, this idiot is is going to find his friend and going to have a shit load of questions to ask when he finally shows up with his friends. Either that or he will realize I am not Liam or whoever he asked for. I don't know for all I know this idiot could be playing a prank on me.

"What the heck are we going to do?" The guy asked. "I mean really what the heck are we going to do if we are not able to perform tonight?" 

"Perform for what?" I asked wanting to go farther into this joke. "My arse is so itchy I can't remember a thing! Other than my ass itches!" 

"Remember the concert you idiot!" The guy sounding like he were about to burst in flames with anger, either that or worry, either way I didn't care. "God, I don't want to cancel this performance just because of your itchy butt. Just imagine us telling the fans, 'Hey girls sorry but Liam has a case of the itchy ass so we are canceling the concert last minute.' Do you know how stupid that would sound?"

"It would sound to me like they would understand." I replied doing my best not to laugh at the fact he was still going along with this. "Itchy ass is something that happens quite a lot to boys my age."

"No, it is not normal!" The guy practically yelled on the other end. "Listen I will call you back when I get a hold of the rest of the guys. Just but some anti-itch cream on your butt and we will see you in the morning." 

"Sure thing, love you, Liam out!" I said as I hung up on the guy. 

Sheryl was just staring at me as I broke out into laughter. Whoever the hell that was was in for a surprise when he learns that he was just pranked for doing that. I can't wait for him to call me back and tell me that I am a fucking liar and I should have told him that I wasn't Liam when I called. 

But you know, I don't give a fuck so he can call back and tell me that I am a fucking lie and I will just continue to laugh at the fact that he had actually bought that. I swear who would be stupid enough to believe that I was who I said I was. Idiots really, like I said earlier, British people are either smart or really dumb. 

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I don't know if that is over or I should just continue to another chapter. Either way here you are, I looked up the guys names before I wrote down the last part of the chapter so ha! Anyway, hope you liked it or hated it, frankly I don't give a fuck!