Alone (on hold)

Chapter one - counting the days

HEYYY MY SEXY READERS AND FELLOW ALIENs!

I just wanted to to warn you that this is not edited! SO BE AWARE!

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its friday night and I'm in my room thinking about my life and the one thing that truly marks me as alone . i love you.

Yes the three simple time stoping , peace making life altering words. Some people take those three special little words for granted. Others abuse them , simply using them to get what they want.

Others with hold them in fear that they will get there heart broken. Sound familiar to you? Perhaps your one of those people.

Not me. No not once ever in my 17 years of living on this planet have I heard those three simple little words said to me.

Why you may ask?

Well let me make it simple. I'm hated , loathed from the deepest darkest pits of my mothers being all because of one man.

My father Ryan cater left my mother shortly after my birth , then causing her to care for a new born baby all alone. At first I think she loved me , but then she only saw my father when she liked at me.

And realized that it was my falt she was alone wiht a baby and no man to help her. to love her.

But it's not like her hatred suddenly started , no her hatred is what I grew up With Lived with , embraced it.

I Remember when one summer day I was sitting outside on the door step watching all the other children play because my five year old self decide To get her mommy a get well soon present.

that consisted of me gently picking some of the flowers in the back yard and brining them to my sickened mother.

Yes we'll little did I know that the golden flowers I had picked where in fact weeds. But it's the thought that counts right? Well ... no , not to my mother.

When she saw what I had dared bring into her house she smacked me and said " you ungrateful little rat! How dare you bring such retched things into this house! Get them out side and stay there and think about what you'v done!"

With that she kicked me outside and proceeded to Lock the doors. That's how I spent the next 8 hours in the blistering heat until Henry realized I wasn't present.

Lovely right? ( note sarcasm) I could go on an on about how much she hates me and how many times I had to ride a bus at one in the morning to go to the local pharmacy to get a first add kit because my mother got drunk and beat me.

But I'm not cause that would be a bore. You may think well how depressing, it's Friday night! Any normal 17 year old girl should be out partying getting it on with her friends , listing to head pounding music as a hot guy grinds against her. Well for you to be in that situation you would need 3 things. Friends , being at a party and to be worthy enough to get the attention of a guy. Or well Any guy for that fact. I don't have any of that. Hell you could say I don't have anything and you wouldn't really be that far from the truth. So that sums up my Friday night , sitting on my cot listening to the clicking of slivers ware and soft laughter. It's Clara's 16th birthday today and she's having a party. Well this is the before party where all her family comes , like gamy a gramps and our uncle jack. Then after all the old people leave is when the real party starts. But I'm not allowed to go cause I'm "not really part of the family" or so my mom every one els calls me "the other daughter" the one who caused my moms first true love to leave and never return. But I'm fine with that because in just 8 months i turn eighteen and am considered a legal adult then given the right to move far far away from

here. That is for some unseeable active force that can move oceans some how makes my mother send me away. Cause then I'm I'm the shit hole. If my mom thinks I'm unfit to live on my own then she can file a compliant on how my way if living is unfit and basically ruined any chance of me getting out and living on my own. Ya my life's that messed up. But I just gotta pray that I can keep my grades up and get that scholarship I've been eyeing for the past 4 months. It's my ticket out. My haven. I want to go to music school and learn more about the piano. Maybe I will make a carrier out of it. Many even become famou- "LENA! Get your stupid ass down here and clean up this mess before my guests get here!" Yells Clara form the intercom that is stationed on my small night table. Groaning I wince as I get off my cot as I accidentally bump my bruised wrist on the hard metal head rest. Pushing the small red button on the intercom I tell her that I'v Heard. Heading down the stairs from my room I start to get the cleaning supply's out of the closest. I step into the dining room and keep my head down. Picking up the used dishes my stomach rumbles at the smell of food. I haven't eating anything all day as Sarah was in a bad mood form planing Clara's birthday party's. as I'm loading the dishes in the dish washer Sarah enters the kitchen. Hmmm speak of the devil and it shall come? Well in my case Sarah comes. Bye the way she is slightly stumbling I can tell she is drunk. " we'll If its isn't the slut her self?" She sneers as she vaults her way over to me and tightly grips my arm and digging her nails into my skin. " what are you doing down here? It Clara's birthday and it should be about her and her only! Don't take away what she has the right to! She has a hard enough life living with an ungrateful shank like you ! No get up to your room and i don't want to see your face for the rest of the night! " she all but screams in my ear. She releases my arm and slaps me Across the face. I don't cry out in pain though. It's only makes her madder. With our a word I run past her and head up to my room. Once in I lock the door and head the the far corner where my grand piano sits idle. When ever I'm upset i usually sit and play for hours at a time or until my fingers bleed. It's a way to vent. As my fingers fly accord the keys making a beautiful harmony surround my tiny courtiers and I can't help but think what if it was as simple as walking out the door and having a new life? What if I didn't have a fear of being loved because of that woman and her ruthlessness? What if I'm not alone? But of Course those are just what if's. never real. Never lasting just like the notes of the the piano. They leave just as quickly my fingers move to the next.

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THX LOVE YA ALL!

- emilee <3