Finding Joy

CHAPTER 5: FORGET IT

"What is he doing here? No, no, no, I need to leave now."

But her feet wouldn't move. Joy froze as Brandon walked closer. She could hear her heart beating loud and clear, and each pulse got louder with each step he took. Was it out of fear? Why else would her heart be racing?

Half expecting him to greet her, she smiled nervously and raised her hand to wave. Just as she opened her mouth to say hello, he walked right past her, as if she wasn't even there. The second they passed each other felt as if time stopped. It was warm, in that they were standing so close to each other once more, but it felt as if the air became filled with miasma.

She turned around and watched him walk away. "Well, that wasn't the first time."

-

Joy and Brandon met when they were in college. They took different classes so they were both unaware of each other's existence. They first officially met at a group blind date for karaoke, and it was love at first sight. Maybe it was because they were tipsy, but they talked as if they had known each other for a lifetime. They had so much in common, it's almost as if they were soulmates.

They sat next to each other at the back of the room, and Joy leaned on Brandon's shoulder. Brandon, thinking about how cute Joy was, then rested his read on Joy's.

"Brandon, I think I'm falling in love." Joy said while she was on the verge of falling asleep.

Brandon reached towards Joy and held her hand. "Me too."

They were the perfect couple, and everyone was jealous. Their first date was at an amusement park. Although Joy loved the experience, she was mortally terrified of the ferris wheel. But holding Brandon's warm hand made her feel safe. On the very top Joy's heart was beating furiously and she was shaking. Brandon noticed and leaned in for a kiss, it was Joy's very first kiss. Her heart pounded even louder and Brandon, as if he could sense it, smiled softly and wrapped his arms around her to calm her down.

Besides dates, they also took care of each other when they were sick. Laying on her bed with a 102 degree fever, Joy looks up at Brandon with longing eyes.

"It's ok, Brandon. I'm going to be ok. You'll get sick if you stay here any longer."

"Don't worry about me. For now let's just worry about you ok? Nothing you could say will get me to leave." Brandon said as he squeezed Joy's hand."

Joy sighs and closes her eyes. She squeezes Brandon's hand back. "Ok, you'll stay with me right?"

Brandon, smiling softly, replied, "Of course."

"Forever?"

"Forever."

They dated for the next five years, and one might think that by then, it was time for Brandon to propose. However, recently their relationship became tense. Brandon was distancing himself from Joy as she continued to let out bursts of anger. She couldn't accept than their relationship was slowly falling apart after so many years.

One rainy afternoon, the two planned to meet at the park. This would potentially be the date that decided the fate of their relationship. It all came down to this. Joy arrived first. She couldn't contain her excitement, as it was their fifth anniversary. But, at the same time, she was filled with nerves. She was going to surprise him with a Rollexit watch that she had saved up for. She waited patiently for an hour, but he still didn't come. So she called and texted him until her battery was in the red. Finally, he texted back.

"We're breaking up. Don't contact me ever again."

"What? This is a prank right?"

She called him until her phone died, but no answer.

"Why?" Joy whimpered as she let out her first tear. "What did I do? I'm sorry. Please don't leave me. Please, I need you."

She dropped to the ground and cried. You couldn't tell which beads were tears, and which were rain. She looked up into the dark gloomy sky and her warm cheeks turned cold. Her eyeliner and mascara started to sun, but she didn't care.

"Oh my gosh look at her." whispered a passerby to her friend. "What is she doing? Poor girl." replied the other.

Joy thought to herself, "What am I doing?"

She slowly managed to pick herself up, turned around and left, leaving her umbrella on the pavement, and tossing the watch in the trash. It was an expensive watch. Joy had saved up for it because she thought it would look nice on Brandon. But keeping the watch with her as a reminder of Brandon, and it just wasn't worth it to keep it around.

When she got home that night, she stood in front of her door and couldn't bring herself to open it. Her eyes were swollen and her makeup was running so hard that she looked like a panda. She would never show herself to others in this state, but in that moment, her head didn't listen. She ran back to the park to find the watch to salvage any part of her relationship she had left. But it was gone. The watch was gone. She stares into the trash can for a moment thinking that she couldn't believe her eyes. How had the watch disappeared so quickly? It's as if it was never there in the first place, and it had never existed.

Joy laughs to herself, "Just stop it already. You're not that special. What did you think would happen? He threw you away and you did the same. There's no way you can fix this now, and it was never meant to be."

Deep down in her heart, she knew that she didn't mean what she said. She truly believed that they were destined for each other, and her heart grew heavier as she walked away. She ended up going to a local convenience store. She headed straight for the alcohol section and grabbed a six-pack of beer without a second thought. Ignoring the stares of others towards her wretched state, she went to the cashier and slammed down a twenty dollar bill and left for the exit.

Surprised, the cashier grabbed the bill and was about to leave his station. He yelled after her, "Wait! You gave me too much!"

But Joy didn't turn around, she just kept walking and told him to keep the change as she opened the door and left.

She walked home alone in the rain, the long warmth she felt were the tears hugging her cheeks. "All good things must come to an end."

-

Joy held back her tears. "Ah, just ignore him. I should head back now. The food's getting cold."

Her eyes were still watery the whole drive home and she nearly crashed into another car. Her car screeched to a halt and the man that she nearly crashed into gave her the finger and yelled, "Watch it!", and drives off.

Joy whispers "I'm sorry" as she grabbed the top of the wheel with two hands and pressed her head on it. She ended up hitting the car horn and the sound continued for quite a while before she picked herself up and began driving home.

When Joy finally made it back, she quickly opened the door. "Surprise! We're eating steak tonight!"

No answer- she doesn't see Kai in the living room, so she looks around the house, thinking maybe Lily was right. Maybe it was a mistake leaving a stranger in her house alone.

"Did he take anything? He wouldn't do that right? He's not that type of person, right?"

It was strange that her room was so tidy. All of the trash had been put into bags and were lined up neatly next to her kitchen counters. All of the unidentifiable objects that were scattered all over the floor were put away. But she didn't give it a second thought. The only thing on her mind was finding Kai. She frantically searched around and nothing seems to be missing. Nothing is missing- except for Kai.

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