And suddenly he wasn't alone anymore // wolfstar fanfic

1

Remus was alone.
He was alone, while his skin ripped, his bones cracked and he cried, but it sounded like a howl.
He hated it. Hated the monster that hid inside him, that only really showed itself once a month. But it was never entirely gone, was always present. And he hated himself, he despised himself. And this full moon he was entirely alone. No prongs, pads or worms. Only pain and fear and the dark, dirty bomb shelter in which he hid over the summer, where he transformed. These transformations were the worst ones, he scratched himself and destroyed everything in his reach.

And he hurt himself this time.
The next morning, he lay there, eyes firmly closed, his clothes laying ripped around him. His face was drenched in blood. When he woke up, the unbearable pain hit him, cold and hot at the same time. He groaned,  almost fainting because of the pain, but he managed to stand on his shaking legs. He covered himself in the extra clothing tucked away in the old closet in a dark corner of the bomb shelter. The next minutes were just a painful blur of blood, and he did not quite remember how he made his way back to his house, he only remembered how he collapsed as soon as he passed through the old oak door.

He had the strangest dreams. One of them was about his return to Hogwarts, where he did not seem to be known by anyone. No one recognized him, no one even knew his name. When he ran off to the bathroom, he looked into the mirror and saw no face where there was supposed to be one, no features to be seen. And a voice echoed in his head, repeating "you should not be here." over and over again. And all faded to black again, as it always did in the end. Next, he dreamt of his crush, Leo. Leo was a Ravenclaw sixth year that Remus had met last year. His hair was a darker shade of blond and it was wavy, his eyes sky blue and incredibly sad. But they were the most beautiful thing Remus had ever seen. But all good things fade eventually, and the world came back to him with bright light and stinging pain that stretched across his face.

Hope Lupin looked down at him. Her beautiful face was full of sorrow. When she saw his eyes flicker open, she smiled quickly. "Does it hurt?" she asked him, still looking at him. 

"Yes, it does." he tried to smile, but it was a failing attempt. She stroked his cheek, kissing him gently on his forehead. "Rest now." was all she said, while leaving. Then, Remus was alone again.

Two weeks later, the last day of summer break was just about to end. Remus was in his room, his trunk packed, his room clean. He stood in front of the mirror, staring at the jagged, red scar across his face. He had changed a lot during the summer. He had spent more time outside, which gave him a natural, golden tan. His hair was fluffy and a bit messy, and he had also grown a lot. He was bigger than both his mom and dad, and his dad was quite tall. He had a lot of freckles, also a lot of scars. He was able to hide those last year, because they mostly covered his chest, back, arms and legs. But now, even if you didn't pay close attention to him, you'd see the scar. He sighed. In no way would Leo ever fall in love with him, with this mess standing in front of the mirror. With this monster.

The first of September arrived in the form of a cloudy, grey day. Four boys made their way to kings cross station this day, four boys, excited to see each other again. Three of them said goodbye to their parents quickly, one of them stayed a bit longer before boarding the train. And as he entered the last compartment, three boys gasped at the sight of him.
"Moons! What happened to you?" a very worried James asked. "What do you think happened to him, idiot?" Sirius said. "It's of course about his furry little problem," he whispered. Remus nodded, still a bit exhausted. He took a seat beside Sirius and mumbled something about how tired he was before he fell asleep. The other boys whispered in hushed voices, trying not to wake him. "I'm worried about him." James said, "I think his transformations are getting worse if that's even possible." he added, looking sad at his peacefully sleeping friend. Remus only woke up in the last hours of the train ride, a bit sad that he missed the food trolley and the games of exploding snap, as well as the planning for this year's pranks. In this last hour, they talked about their break, but Remus did not talk that much. Because he did not only change in the way he looked. He also got a lot quieter, a lot more thoughtful and a whole lot more sad. The other boys noticed but decided not to talk about it. They just tried to laugh and talk like they normally would have.
But it was different.

Not only Remus changed.
The black-haired boy with the stormy grey eyes, he changed too. He moved to James' place over the summer because the situation at home got worse. And he discovered a lot of things about himself. Like his sexuality. Because after all these years, he discovered that he was hopelessly in love with Remus Lupin. And now this Remus Lupin got even cuter, even hotter than he was before. But Sirius didn't want to ruin their friendship, didn't want to ruin what seemed like the only thing he had left. The bond he shared with the boys, sitting and talking in a compartment that got darker and darker with every second that passed. And soon, they left the train and headed towards the carriages. They entered, but unfortunately, two other boys entered so the marauders couldn't talk freely. Sirius watched Lupin all the way from the Hogsmeade station to the carriage and noticed, that Remus blushed as the boys entered behind them. Sirius narrowed his eyes, the boys seemed familiar, they were in sixth grade too and they both were Ravenclaws. He looked away for the rest of the ride, looking out of the window and not really paying attention to the conversation his mates were making. He also walked towards the castle, remaining silent. He only sobbed silently when he heard one of the Ravenclaw boys talking to Remus. During dinner, he barely ate anything. He just picked at his food and stared over to the Ravenclaw table, watching the very handsome boy who had been taking to Moony.
But he wasn't the only Gryffindor watching him. Remus, with his incredibly cute pink cheeks and gorgeous amber eyes, gazed across the great hall and rested on the Ravenclaw boy.
And Sirius felt like his heart could burst into a million pieces.
And he could never, ever fix it.