Lovetap [Gay] (Genya x OC)

I

For my best friend.
Enjoy, you thirsty individual.

WARNING: This is a crack/serious fanfiction. There will be intense thirsting and the worshipping of the male anatomy... Sorry, Genya.

❦

If Uzui says another flam-bullshit thing one more fucking time-

I'm gonna obliterate those fat gold rings along with his thick, beefy arms.

"...You shouldn't be eating such unhealthy food, Caerus! When I'm at home with my wives, they cook a flamboyant meal with plenty of vegetables! That's why my body is at maximum flamboyancy-"

I barely heard the surprised squeal burst out of Mitsuri as I spun around from where I was munching on my apple pastry and back-handed the fuck out of his pasty face. A strange choking sound bursts out of him as his head snaps to the side, blood spewing out of his nose.

As soon as his body hit the ground, I climbed onto him and shoved my half-eaten pastry into his mouth, screaming, "Eat it, bitch! Fucking eat it! So proud of your flamboyant body, huh?! I'll keep shoving Satan's bread down your throat until you're a flabby sack of fat and disappointment!"

Multiple hands pulled me off the traumatized health nut and I thrashed wildly as more of my apple pastries fell out of my pockets, "Fucking let go of me!"

"Calm down." I heard Giyuu's monotone voice drawl out in a lazy way, "Stop bullying Uzui."

"He's judging my diet! He knows for a fact that I eat like shit and that it'll stay that way! Fucking harem munchkin!" I loved Uzui, I really do, but it doesn't matter if you're the sexiest beast out there, I'll fuck you up if you piss me off.

"Please calm down, Caerus! Uzui is correct, you have a rather atrocious diet!" Rengoku's spirited voice said. I spin around, preparing to choke him with my pastry, but froze at the sight of his sparkling eyes and smile.

I narrowed my eyes up at him.

He's lucky that he's my favorite piece of meat.

Kneeling down, I pick up the floor-pastries and took a fat bite out of one as I stood up. Rengoku's grin widens and he pats my shoulder firmly, "Good! Now, apologize."

"Bitch- Apologize?!"

"Please, apologize, Caerus!" ...Why is he so passionate so early in this godforsaken day? What kind of happy pills is he taking?

I sighed and looked at Uzui, who was standing up again, "I hate you, but I love you, but I really dislike you. So sorry. I still hate you."

"Haha! You don't hate him!" Rengoku piped up, slapping my back. Fucking psychic snitch.

I snapped my head toward familiar, psychotic laughter and pointed at Sanemi with my delicious breakfast, "Do you want to fucking die today, Sanemi? Want me to shove this shit down your throat you wide-eyed bitch? Blink motherfucker!"

The large grin that was on his face dropped immediately, "The fuck did you just say?! You want a fight? Is that what you want?!"

The hot creep still didn't blink.

Giyuu grabbed the collar of my robe, pulling me away, "Quit it. They're almost here."

"Who's almost here?"

"Of course, you weren't listening." Sanemi rolls his eyes, scowling, "Master wants four of us to train a group of Mizunoto ranked Demon Slayers."

"...When the fuck did this happen? Why didn't anyone tell me?!"