Graverobber goes to McDonald's

Part 3: oops

  It was 3:22AM. The transaction was now complete and Graverobber was sitting on a table eating the chicken mcsandwich. A few feet apart sat the teenage girl, who had witnessed everything that had happened in chapter 2. Normally she'd be absolutely terrified and traumatized for life after watching some dude get murdered in cold blood, but she had seen so much worse that past week that she honestly did not give a rat's ass.
She just ate her happy meal fries in silence as you mopped the blood off the floor.

"How long do you think before they notice?", he asked you.

"Who?", you replied.

"The Largo family. CEOs of GeneCo, the most powerful company in the world. Y'know, Rotti, Amber Sweet, one half of the Super Mario brothers..."

"I have no idea who the fuck these people are".

"God I wish that were me", he pondered.

All of a sudden, the doors burst open so violently that it made the entire restaurant vibrate for a good second. In the entrance stood the silhouette of a man. He slowly stepped inside as a thunderbolt cracked threateningly behind him. It was Luigi Largo himself.

Graverobber pointed at him. "See that's the super Mario brother  guy I was telling you abou-"

"SHUT YOUR WHITE TRASH FACE YOU GODDAMN FUCKING 30 YEAR OLD SCENE PHASE SNOW WHITE LOOKING MOTHERFUCKER"

"Wow ok don't get your goombas in a twist"

Luigi looked down at Pavi's limp body.

"Which one of you twinks killed my brother?", he asked.

You held onto your mop tighter.

"I did. It's our new McPolicy".

Graverobber could see Luigi slowly reaching for yet another fucking knife in his back pocket.

"Really? And what McPolicy is that?"

"McDonald's employees are legally allowed to exterminate a customer if they're getting in the way of the employee getting lucky in the janitor's closet".

Graverobber choked on his mcsandwich.

Luigi did not have time to unpack ALL of that, so he just did what he knows best and pulled out a knife on you.

"I'd like to speak to your fucking manager, then".

"Our manager is dead because we had to exterminate him as well".

"Well then I'D LIKE TO SPEAK TO RONALD MCDONALD HIMSELF".

Everyone in the restaurant gasped, including Pavi's corpse cause idk his body just does that sometimes.

"It's almost impossible to contact Him, sir, no ordinary employee has managed to-"

"Do I look like I give three shits, two damns and a fuck?"

Graverobber, who had now gotten up from his seat and neatly put the tray away because he's not a boomer and respects food service workers, tried to approach Luigi.

"Woah woah woah there, this is a family establishment good sir, why don't you just take your brother's lifeless cadaver and leave-"

"One more word from you and on GOD I will shove this knife down your throat".

"My-my thrussy?", Graverobber replied.

Those two words were so cursed that they entered Luigi's DNA and rewired it via homologous recombination, causing him to evaporate in thin air. Luigi Largo was no more.

The evil had been defeated.

Graverobber sighed.

"I just wanted to eat a McSandwich chicken in peace. Anyhow, I'm going back to the trashcan".

You turned to look at him as you dumped Pavi in the meat grinder.

"The fuck you mean by trashcan?"

"I mean that I live in a fucking trashcan do you not understand basic English"

Damn. That got you thinkin.

"How about you stay at my place for a few days?"

Graverobber paused.

"Nah I'm fine, the trashcan has free WiFi and I get to watch mukbang videos and fnaf game theories all day".

"Oh, come on, I owe you one. You saved all of our asses from that Mario guy just now, it's the least I could do".

Graverobber was short circuiting. He had never been treated with such pure, genuine kindness before, he didn't know what the correct reaction to this was, so he panicked and started hitting the whip and nae nae.

"What he's trying to say is that he really appreciates your good samaritan selflessness and would be happy to stay in your house as long as he's not a burden or anything", said Shiloh, the teenage girl.

"Yes, that's exactly what I meant, thank you Shiloh", he said as he kept on nae naeing.

You were starting to rethink your choices and had to physically restrain your arm muscles from reaching for the rifle again, but you smiled.

"Alright, lemme call an Uber".