A Sometimes Ending Love

A Sometimes Ending Love (Part Five)

   Luke took me out to the local favorite, Lou’s Diner, for lunch.  After leaving Owen on the sidewalk at school, we had gotten into Luke’s car and he had entertained me with jokes the whole ride over, lightening my mood considerably.  I really didn’t know where all this pretend dating was going to go, but right now it felt good to be wanted again.  My self-confidence took a blow when Owen told me no one wanted me, of course, and Luke, even if he was pretending, made me feel like I was worth something again.  I hated myself for it, but it was true.

   I had never wanted to become one of those pathetic girls that depended on a guy’s opinion for her self-worth, but here I was, just hoping that Luke really wanted me.  I kind of felt like slapping myself, but that would have been embarrassing and awkward considering we were in a public setting. 

   Luke was already giving me a weird look, and I realized the waiter had asked me a few times what I wanted.

   “Scarlett, what would you like?” I heard Luke ask.

   I started, and looked up at the waiter, who turned out to be Jason, who was wearing a lovely smirk on his face.  I could tell that he would give me hell for this later, and he was certain to tell my brother I was out with a guy.  I couldn’t think of any way to avoid this situation, so I simply a grilled turkey sandwich and chips, and pleasantly turned away from Jason, but not before adding, “Tell my brother about this and I will probably have to inform your parents about that one time at Macy’s when you had one too many and got up on that table…”

   He cut me off by saying, “Point taken.  You can be assured of my silence.”

   He walked away laughing and shaking his head. 

   “That’s my brother’s best friend,” I told Luke, “and I don’t mind it that much, because I happen to have about eleven years of blackmail on him.  Of course, things from eleven years ago would hardly matter now, but things that happened, say two weeks ago, could hold a great impact.”  I smiled to myself as I explained this.  Jason and I were friends, too, so he knew that I was lying; I would never do anything to get him grounded.  I enjoyed pretending I would though.  I honestly had no expectation of him keeping his mouth shut.  This was too good for him to give up.  I’m pretty sure some of my guy friends had a bet going for how long it would take me to get over Owen. 

   The thought of Owen dropped the smile from my face.  God, how could I sit here and pretend that everything was okay?  I mean, there was a whole five minutes that I didn’t think of Owen, but I’m right back there now.  He just won’t get out of my mind, and I just can’t let him go.  Did I really love him if I was sitting here with a different guy wondering if he could make me get over Owen? 

   Was I just as shallow as Owen was?  He had no consideration of my feelings when he broke up with me; I’m sure he had a new girl in mind when he ditched me.  I still don’t understand our break up, though.  How could he have pretended for three whole years that he liked me, or even loved me?  He said he dated me to keep up his image, but he wanted to be free to date whoever he really wanted to his senior year.  I realized then and there that as much as I wanted to, I couldn’t truly and honestly pretend to date Luke, knowing that I was still in love with Owen.  I had already admitted to myself that the main reason I loved Luke’s attention was that I felt wanted again, like Owen had made me feel wanted for a long time.  That thought made me feel like I was trying to find a replacement for Owen, and not searching for someone with a different personality.

   I looked up to find Luke staring at me.

   “You’re not going to go through with the plan are you?  You’d feel too horrible.  You still care for him, even though he dumped you.  You are a far too nice person to put him through the torment of watching you move on,” Luke said softly.