After ten years, at the age of 30...
Expat boyfriend of mine decided to move back home. Excited me; finally long-distance was over and couldn't wait to be back in the same city again.
One of those days while he was transitioning and trying to decide what type of apartment "he" wants and what part of the city "he" prefers to live, conversation came to that nerve breaking point.
What are "we" planning to do?
And that was the time we needed to have "the talk". Obviously after spending a decade in my 20's with the same guy, my point was clear.
Next steps...
Maybe I was hoping to make a plan for "us" to build a life together.
The more we talk, the more blurry my vision got. It was the moment before you pass out.
You kinda hear things but you feel like you are under the water. Basically you just don't hear.
Don't get the point.
But there was one sentence which I truly heard.
"You need to convince me to move forward."
What does that meant?
That one was all of a sudden like a ball hitting the walls in my brain, from right to left that I couldn't even catch.
Me : "Convince?..,"
He : "Yeah, I don't know if we can do great when we get married so I need to see first. We need to move in together to my apartment so you'd better gave up on yours."
Me : "............"
Yeah, it felt like I did blackout. The last part of that conversation was echoing in my mind.
It was so loud that I couldn't even hear what I was thinking. It was a big piece to swallow.
Literally was speechless.
Didn't say a word until we leave the restaurant.
So what should a girl do or think after hearing this from a guy that was in her life for 10 years.
Especially when you are thirty.
Took me two days to digest the last sentence.
After that biggest reality check of my life, here I was there thinking what "my" decision would be.
Should I stick to that relationship after spending a decade? After being so in love for years, after being his number one fan..
Maybe few more years just to convince him?
Really?!?
But how about all my years? After giving so much? After having that habit of having him in my life?
My gutt was screaming louder and louder while my brain was trying to convince me to stay with him. Just give it a try one more time, maybe one more year?
Really?!?
Few days later after having countless conversation with myself, spending millions of tear drops for each scenario, one morning I woke up. Woke up with huge eyes that reminds me of a frog -since I cried so much, I literally looked like a frog- and a killer headache, I found myself extremely peaceful and still.
I finally had the answer.
Time to move on...
