The View of The Outlaw

Something Happens

Something happens at 98 miles an hour, thunder headers drown out all sound. Engine vibrations travel at a hearts rate, field of vision funnels into the immediate an suddenly your not on the road, your in it. A part of it, traffic scenery, cops, just card board cut outs blowing over as you past. Sometimes I forget the rush of that, that's why i love the long runs. All my problems, all the noise, are gone. Nothing else to worry about except what's right in front of me. Maybe simple moments, appreciate them a little more. There's not many more of them left. I don't want that for you. Finding what makes you happy shouldn't be so hard. I know you'll face pain, suffering, hard choices, but you can't let the weight of it choke the joy out of your life, like I did for a while until I found the girl I love. No matter what. Find the things that you love an that makes you happy, run to them. There's an old saying "that what doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger." I don't believe that, I think that the things that try to kill you only make you angry. Strength comes from the good things in life, my family, my friends, the satisfaction of hard work, those are the things that make me whole, when I'm broken. Every man needs a woman when his life is a mess, because just like in chess, the queen protect the king. An I found my queen. Is there anything in your life that you would protect it, no matter what damage it did to you. An the something to know about in this life, the saddest thing about betrayal, is it never comes from your enemies. It's hard not to hate, people, things, institutions, when they brake your spirit and take pleasure in watching you bleed. Hate is the only feeling that makes sense, but I know what hate does to a man. Tears him apart an makes him into something he's not, something he promised himself he would never become. That's what I need to tell you, to let you know how hard I'm trying not to cave under the weight of all the things I feel in my heart. Sometimes my life feels like a deadly balancing act. What I feel slamming against what I should do. Impulsive reactions raising to solutions, miles a head of the brain. When I look at my day, I realize that most of it was cleaning up the damage from the day before. In that life, I have no future. All I have is distractions, an remorse. I buried my brother 2 years ago. An as cliche as this sounds, I left a piece of me in that box. A part I barely knew, a part of me I'll never see again. Everyday is a new box, you open it, take a look inside. You are the one who determines if it's a gift or a coffin. It's the little things that make us who we are. The things that we can't live without in our lives. I feel like my life has been broken, I'm holding down a road I've never been on before. The signs don't make sense, do I get off the road, or do I keep riding. Do I go alone, or take others. Who do I trust for the journey. I realized that in my downward spiral of hopelessness, I was falling into a huge hole created by my absence of basic human graces. The most obvious was forgiveness. If I was wronged by anyone in or out of the club, I had to be compensated by money or blood. There was no turning the other cheek. When relationships become a ledger of profit an loss, you have no friends, no loved one ones just pluses an minuses. You are absolutely alone.