Frustration -SERIES- [Part 1] [boyxboy]

Chapter Five

'I accidentally asked Jackson to be my boyfriend,' I said quietly to Josh and Rachel the next day as we sat in the library, waiting for Conor and Sally to show so we could start working on this stupid play.

Both stopped what they were doing and stared at me.

'You're going to have to elaborate before I give you a complete reaction,' Rachel said after a moment, so I told them the whole story.

'But like,' Josh asked awkwardly, 'are you happy about it?'

I couldn't really answer him. Was I happy about it? Jackson treated me like a boyfriend, he was nice and sweet and funny and reliable and loyal. I should have been over the moon. Here I had a really cute, sweet boyfriend who seemed to have all the traits the mythical Perfect Boyfriend was supposed to have. But...

'He doesn't make my pulse race,' I whispered eventually.

'What?' Josh and Rachel leaned closer.

'Well it's like... You know when there's that person that your body wants even if your mind or heart doesn't necessarily? You're just physically drawn to them, you get butterflies, racing pulse, you can't think straight when you're near them, all that? I don't really get that with Jackson... I mean, he's cute and definitely attractive or whatever, but he doesn't...Necessarily... Turn me on.'

It pretty much totally blew because it was the exact opposite with Conor. My body reacted to him in ways my mind couldn't even begin to comprehend, but he treated me like shit. Literally as if he equated me with shit. But even as I was thinking this, I was doodling Conor's name on my notepad.

'So what are you gonna do?' Rachel was asking.

I shrugged. 'I dunno.'

'Hey, guys,' we all looked up as Sally Evans slid into a seat across the table from me. Rachel was sitting beside me and Josh was at the top.

'Hey,' we all answered, then Rachel asked, 'where's Conor?'

Sally pulled a face. 'I don't know, he's not talking to me. Can't seem to understand why I thought what he did was even slightly reprehensible.' Her face changed to the expression I was beginning to recognise as her apology face; she'd already said sorry about a hundred times.

'I forgive you,' I said quickly, joking, as I'd already tried to explain every time that it wasn't her fault. She didn't seem to get it though.

She smiled sheepishly, and said, 'Sorry,' apologising for having been about to apologise. My head was starting to hurt.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw a familiar figure moving through the bookshelves, and though I refused to look up at him properly, I knew Conor was not in a good mood. He dropped into the chair on my other side, scowling.

Nobody said anything for a minute, so I flipped open my notepad and asked, 'Shall we get started?'

Rachel, Josh, Sally, and I all leaned in towards the centre of the table on our elbows; Conor remained stuffed into his chair, arms crossed over his chest, looking like he'd rather be anywhere else but here.

'So...' I started. 'Anyone ever written a play before?' We all glanced at each other uncertainly. 'I'll take that as a no then.'

'Should we do storyline or characters first?' Rachel asked, biting her lip. She is not so used to being bad at something.

'I guess storyline?' Sally mumbled.

'Okay,' Rachel announced, relieved she had a starting point. 'So it has to be about being gay, right? So obviously if we want it to mean anything, we'll have to have some sort of homophobic element, so the characters can overcome some form of adversity. Otherwise the play has no reason to, you know, exist.'