Stories from an Empty Classroom

Literary History (Mine)

2.6.20

As my memory is becoming hazy, I'll tell you what I know. What I know is that in January of 2017, I was introduced to the community of Wattpad. At first, I was there for one purpose, and one purpose alone. To read the book 'Someone's Little Sister' by @JustAnotherDream_15, or Grace. That story was the only thing I used my phone besides talking to my parents. I found it by accident, actually. Searched up 'Aphmau,' and one of the auto-fills was 'Aphmau fanfiction,' and I clicked out of curiosity. It was the first link, pretty sure it still is. (It is not, but it was for like, a year.) I opened up Chapter One and the from the first line on, Grace could say anything, tell me to do anything, and I would listen. Or, well, read. That was the first time I really began to appreciate reading, I did it every day. Grace was my idol, still kind of is, and I trusted her more than my own siblings. She began to recommend books to us using the author's notes of her story.  I actively searched for the books she recommended. Finished them in record time too, because I wanted to have some way to connect myself to Grace, in any way I could, even if I had to spend all my time looking for a stupid book. Best thing that ever happened to me. Sure, SLS completely tore my heart out and stomped on it, as did the other books, but it was well written and engaging and constantly left me wanting more. I finished the book the second she released the last chapter. By that point, I'd expanded my reading horizons a bit, moving to different fanfictions and regular books, but I always came back. 

I know that it was March of 2018 when I decided to write my own fanfiction. I vaguely remember writing stories before that, in the fifth grade, I think, but I don't think I was ever serious about it. There was a reason I had wanted to write fiction. That is because... nonfiction sucks, okay? It does! I hate writing it and I tolerate reading it, but I will always choose a fantasy novel over a book about cell mutation or accurate depictions of the Cold War. You may be thinking, "Well, Ellie, what does this have to do with your writing?' Everything, okay? Everything. I hate writing nonfiction, but that is all we did in school. It was a lot, too. We wrote a lot of nonfiction. Book reports, research papers, personal narratives, and I was bored out of my mind. You may not know this about me, but I have found that lying to myself is way easier than telling the truth. Of course, I was truthful with everyone else, just, not myself. I turned those lies and daydreams into writing, and I enjoyed every second of it. 

I know that, come January 2019, I'm half-way through my first year of high school, my parents have announced that we are moving, and my dad is coming back from a year-long deployment. Happy times. I, sadly, abandon my only public fanfiction, in favour of a regular fiction piece. One that is still sitting in my google drive today, unpublished. My birthday is coming up, I've had my first crush, and I am slowly realizing that I might never see my friends again. So, I panic. I step away from writing a new world and escape to ones already written, however poorly they are. We read 'Romeo and Juliet' and 'To Kill A Mockingbird' in English, only one of which I enjoyed. I fall behind in almost every subject, just to read, and my mother literally revokes my ability to borrow books from the library, but I still found ways to do it. And I begin to abandon actual books for fanfiction. All of the second semester sucked for me and my mental health, and it really takes a toll on my mindset after we move, but I'm not there yet. The end of the school year in Burkburnett, Texas, falls on my birthday. Which is amazing for me, not so much for others as they have a longer year with that extra day. May looks a bit brighter for me, not. I have to reject a friend, who I love like a brother, one of the people in my main friend group betrays us, and the entire group splits in two... because of me. (The splitting, not the things before.) We all hung out still, however hard it was, but there was always tension after that. May 24th and I've immersed myself into a sea of fanfiction. Completely. I didn't plan on coming out any time soon. We moved in July, whole hoopla surrounding that. And school starts. New starting point. I enrol myself in your class and others, and my grades go up. Mostly. I started reading again. I tried to write again, and I've done more than ever before. I read Harry Potter again, and Percy Jackson for the first time. I basically took a restart. Because, after I finished PJO/HoO, my writing mind improved, for most everything. 

I know that some of the things you've read may confuse you. You probably have no idea how this relates to my literacy history. When I started, I didn't either. I didn't know why I was telling you this. But as I went, I realized that my Literacy History has been my life for the past few years. They've directly influenced each other in ways I can't exactly discern. I am forgetting, you know this, so this essay isn't just for you. I can safely say that when I started writing again this Monday, I was content with my life. I wore a dress and brought a stuffed animal to school, because 'why not?' and I smiled for no reason and my fingers flew. I wrote two chapters that day and I've done an entire unit's worth of work in the span of a week. I'm rambling again, but, there you have it, my literary history.