[ON HOLD] Deja Vu | Twice x Female Reader

{2} Oblivescence

Oblivescence - the process of forgetting.

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The next morning I woke up feeling like I had just been run over by a truck. I mean, it would make sense if I had actually gotten run over, but, if I was remembering correctly, (which I very well might not have been) a selfless and beautiful stranger saved me from having that happen. Jeongyeon, that was her name. I wouldn't let myself forget that, if anything else, because, after all, she did save my life. The least I could do was remember her name.

Yet, it seemed as if anything was difficult to remember as my head pounded and my ears rang. I was suddenly struck with déjà vu as I sat up in my bed, holding my forehead in pain. Except, today, it wasn't my alarm ringing, but in fact, the sound in my own mind. I shook my head, trying to rid my ears of the shrill sound, but instantly regretted it when a searing pain shot through my skull. A headache, just like the one I had last night.

It didn't help that I could barely open my eyes even though there was hardly any sunlight in my room. Simply looking towards the window made my eyes squint closed and my head throb. Seriously, you'd think I had just gotten into a major accident. I may be delusional, but I don't think simply being shoved to the ground would have this much of an impact on my body.

Well, that is if what Jeongyeon had explained was accurate. Because, those events were a blur in my mind, so all I could go off of were the seemingly honest stranger's words. However, something deep inside me told me that I could trust her. She just emanated this sort of honesty, kindness, and comfort that I was sure I had never experienced before, yet, at the same time, felt all too familiar.

It was strange to me that I wasn't skeptical at first. Normally with strangers it takes time to build trust. But with Jeongyeon it was different. I felt safe in her presence. Although, I suppose there was a pretty simple explanation for that: she saved my life.

With that thought in my mind, the headache that was just prominent seemed to fade into a dull throb until it completely dissipated. How did the mere image of a total stranger seem to cure my illnesses?

Although, I knew it was no use asking these questions now when I surely didn't have the answers. Plus, I really didn't want to get another headache. So, instead of dwelling on the unknown, I got out of bed and entered the bathroom.

-

The steam from my morning shower fogged up the mirror entirely as I stepped out to dry myself. My hair was dripping wet and I wrapped a towel around my body before grabbing a smaller one to wipe down the steamed-mirror.

I've always preferred hot showers rather than cold ones. The warmth of the almost-scorching water replaced the warmth I was longing for myself. Emotionally and maybe even physically.

I was reminded of that as I wiped the mirror in one clean stroke and saw my reflection staring at me. Maybe it was because I just got out of the shower or maybe it was because I could barely sleep last night, but the reflection seemed like a stranger, someone I didn't recognize that was, in fact, myself.

Was this really me? Is this how I looked to other people?

I continued to stare into the reflective object in front of me, looking at my own appearance. It reminded me of the dream I had just nights ago depicting the various portraits. But, one in particular stood out in my mind. The portrait that had my own eyes staring right back at me.

Except, of course, the mirror was a clearer picture that allowed me to spot all of my flaws and imperfections. Whereas, the painted picture I had witnessed in the dream was almost a perfect version of myself. Clear skin, a genuine smile. I even remembered thinking that my eyes looked different: pure and clean. Rid of all burdens and worries.

Before I could continue with my thoughts, the pounding headache I struggled with all night came rushing back to me. This lasting migraine was the reason I could barely sleep a wink last night. I rubbed my temple harshly, maybe even making my migraine worse in attempt to soften the pain.

You're so stupid Y/N. Are you really that weak to let a minor shove cause you this much pain? Imagine if you did get into that accident. Imagine if you did get hit by that car. You would probably be dead. You were lucky to have that girl, Jeongyeon, save you, but you didn't even manage to get her number? Her contact? Or any way to reach out to her at all? Her kindness was the reason you're even alive right now and yet you couldn't even give a proper thank you.

My thoughts could've kept going, since the bitterness I had for myself was never ending, but the headache caused me to stop. I dried myself off and got dressed quickly before stepping out of the bathroom and leaving my house. I couldn't stand to be there anymore. I felt like I was drowning in my thoughts. The negativity was too overwhelming.

Sure, I knew it wasn't healthy to think like that, but it was habit to point out your flaws and mistakes. It was human nature to want to be better. And in order to get better, you have to first realize what is wrong and what needs to be fixed. Yet, at this point, I was convinced that everything about me needed to be fixed. However, I could start with something I knew I could solve.

The headaches, the ringing in my ears, and my extremely sensitive eyes. I knew something wasn't right, but I needed to find out exactly what was wrong, and, potentially, why I am the way I am. There was only one place I trusted for true information.

The library.