Insecurities

Chapter 1

There is no clear explanation for why this happened to me. Though I suppose anyone would ask that same question. Why I spend my days buried in my own self pity. My friends no longer want to be around, because they say I'he changed. Some days the depression, the loneliness, life just seems so unbearable, I've thought of ending it plenty of times. I'm just too weak.

My name is Jamie Hanson. My life used to be the definition of perfect. I had tons of friends, I was an honor student, I had a gorgeous boyfriend, and I was so happy. Who knew that one mistake could take everything away from me.

February 24, 2010, I was awakened by the vibration of my phone in my back pocket. I fumble to flip over my clock, its 1 a.m. I angrily press the phone against my ear.

"What!"

The sounds of laughter and teenagers shouting come out of the other end, but there is no reply. "Hello! Who is this?" It was a restricted number. I instantly recognize one girl's high pitched voice. I could recognize it anywhere. It's my friend Sam. "Sam? Sam! where are you? Its late what are you doing??" She was laughing so hard, then she said, "Get your ass out of bed and come to the park!"

My heart immediately started pounding. The park was a common hangout spot over the last couple of years for rebelious teens who like to get drunk and party all night, which is usually broken up around there by the cops. The call was lost, I couldn't help but worry about her. Who knows what kind of trouble she would get into. So I jumped out of bed and got dressed. I reached for the door knob and reminded myself that it was late so I opened my window and sat down in the frame. The ice cold wind hit my back. It had been snowing the night before. I grabed my flashlight from the floor and took one more look around my room. The house was silent. "This is a bad idea." I was thinking it all along but little did i know my parents were the last thing I should have been worried about.

It was a ten minute walk from my house to the park. The closer I got the better I could hear the music and the laughter.

The flashlight I had began to get dimmer and dimmer until it was dead. I Suddenly noticed faded headlights closing in behind me. I hurried to the side of the road and mumbled, "Please, oh please don't be mom and dad."

I heard the honk of an unformiliar horn, and a dirty red ford truck slowly creeper up beside me. I tried so hard to keep my head down. I figured if I paid him no mind he would eventually go away. But he didn't. He rolled his window down and i got nervous. My legs started to trimble, I could feel him watching me. "You need a ride hun?" I was surprised by the amount of concern in his voice, it was deep and raspy and seemed to echo in my head. I slowly turned my head. He was a young man, probably in his mid-twenties. He had shaggy dark brown hair, and light blue inviting eyes, there was a small grin on his face. I suddenly realized I had stopped walking, I was just standing there starring back at him.

I picked up my foot and began to walk away, "No thanks." I replied.

"Come on where are you headed? Its no problem, really."

I knew I shouldn't but I had the common since to know he wasn't going to leave me alone. "The park." I mumbled. "Well hop in. that just right up the road." I walked around the car to the passenger side. He unlocked the door and pushed it open. I took a deep breath and quietly reassured myself, "Everything is gonna be okay."

I climbed into the truck, shut the door and a fowl smell of beer and cigarettes filled the air. He hit the gas as if someone was chasing us. The palms of my hand started to sweet, It had dawned on me that I would never make it to the park. I had forgotten why I was going in the first place.