Trapped

Lesson in Depression

After the move I was devastated because I wasn't able to see a lot of my friends but honestly looking back at it, it seems as though I actually only needed the one friend I had. But even if I knew that then it wouldn't of improved much when I got there I was already dealing with depression but because I was only about nine or ten years old at the time I didn't know what that was so I just thought it would go away but I was wrong. I guess having depression at such a young would seem strange to most people but for those who know me it probably won't seem as crazy.

My depression was triggered when I realised that I was the victim of one of the worst crimes you could imagine. From a very young age my parents gave me permission to stay with my Dad's mum and her husband from Friday night until Sunday. I used to have a lot of fun at their house, I had my own bedroom with a double bed lots of teddies and a tv which I spent most of my time when I was younger watching movies (mostly barbie).

One night I decided to dress up as little Bo-beep and I was pretending my nan's husband was my sheep, an hour had passed and it was time for bed time so refusing to take the dress off I got ready and climbed into bed and because he was my sheep I was allowed to boss him around so I mad him stay at the bottom of the bed. Little did I know that was a big mistake because when he sat at the bottom of the bed he waited a few minutes and climbed under the bit of duvet he was just moments ago sat on. He started to slowly move up towards me and started to lick me, he continued this for a few minutes until he had to leave to pick my nan up from the shop were she was working.

Me being the little kid I was had no idea that this was wrong all I knew is that after he had finished he told me that 'This is a secret' and of course I didn't tell anyone which seemed to of made things worse for me over the years because eventually this escalated into rape and eventually after doing this in his house, car and a holiday house I finally told him he was never allowed to do this again but he didn't listen and still did it and he also even got a new girl involved she was my age but apparently not as stupid because when he first did anything to her she went home told her mum and he was arrested and remains in prison to this day.

It's been nearly three years since I've seen him but I still can't sleep because of what he did and I also ended becoming extremely depressed to the point where I just felt like I was worthless, I thought should die and so I stopped caring about everything and became extremely horrible to the friends I closest with especially Milly Peralta.