As tempting as it sounded to open my mouth and to talk, I needed myself not to say anything. Not to say anything, that my heart wanted him to know.
The simple fact, that he was sitting next to me, as we were waiting for something we didn't know, was entrapping me to talk though.
I couldn't just say it. No.
I mean yes, I could technically babble out anything I wanted to say, but is that really what I want? No, stop it!
Think. Think about it. Think about the consequences.
It's a Dilemma.
You don't want the predictable result, that you will face, when you tell him the truth.
On the other side, you just don't want to have another day pass, without him by your side, which will be the case, when you don't tell.
God knows how hard it is to let him go now eventhough he has never really been mine. Guess I just liked the thought of him, the thought of him being mine.
What am I gonna do about the desire within the core of my heart though? What is this in me? This is not me. I'm so lost. Desperation is the leader of my feelings at this very moment. I don't even know what's right or wrong, neither what I am thinking.
What have you done to me?!
Time won't pass. It's like everyone's dead. They left us here and get gone. No one comes in or goes out. Neither of us says anything.
~ I'm missing your voice...
This silence could make me go insane.
Just me and you and this one hell of a hard uncomfortable bed in this stupid tiny room we've been stuck in for two hours.
You're thinking. The back of your head on the wall, your crystal blue eyes studying the blank ceiling. This perfect jaw, these arms and these hands. God, I could watch you doing nothing for a pretty long time.
Wait, what am I doing? Why am I adoring you again? I have to confess, I've been finding myself doing this a lot lately. Staring at you...
~ Wonder if you notice it/me.
A giggle escaped my mouth.
The best thing about it is, that I don't even know why or when I started to grow feelings for you.
I hated him for gods sake, I hated you once, i remember. It was safe to say, that you hated me aswell. Now I just can't eventually be left with love, with loving... You.
I reminisce.
You were the one making me cry.
~ But that was nothing unusual anyway.
Turning the bright days into dark nights.
~ Didn't you know, I am scared of the darkness?
You were the one making me feel like shit.
~ Didn't you know I barely smiled anyway.
You were the one making me go insane.
~ Was used to hear that too.
The reason why I wanted to quit it.
Stop living.
~ as if these weren't enough reasons to say goodbye now...
...now I can't take my eyes off of you.
~ and you have no clue about what I bear
Lucky me.
What am I going to do with you, with me, with this god damn feeling now?
You even got me talking to myself.
You got me staring at you when you look away. You got my heart beating faster than its usual tempo. You got me smile randomly because of.. Nothing. You control my mind. You control me. I don't know how you did but you got all of me.
All of a sudden you said my name breaking me out of my trance, making my heart jump out of its place!
"Yeah?"
.....
