just another nobody

sun

outside, there is the dawn
it's beautiful
the sky is full of puffy clouds.
no sun
rain pouring over the world, finding every crevice and clearing it out, washing away the dirt and bloodstains and freshwater tears
rain washing out my skin, my hair, my eyes, my bones, my soul and every hurtful word caught between that sticks to me like gum
washing me down to my heart
rain washing out all the hate, all the flames, all the rage and pain
rain making everything okay
it stops, the storm comes to a close

the clouds linger longer
casting a shadow over the world
i can rest, finally in the calm dark
the rain has cleared my soul, so in the aftermath i sit, i sing
sing my own song
the song of just me

there's a flash in the sky
the light doesn't linger, instead it pokes a hole in my perfect bubble, my calm
a ray of sun punctures through
dread
rushing dread, a slimy liquid filling up my bones and rising in my throat

my peace is gone

i know i am stuck now, as the sun takes over, my dread turns to something else
my life is on strings, everything is a puppet with the sun the master
everyone is paper cut outs, i am a paper cut out
i don't want to be a paper cut out, i want to be real

i leave the sun
but i know it's still there
it lurks beyond my roof, beyond my dark room and i can feel it puncture the sky even if i can't see it
everything is paper

rain, please come back

i can't stand the sun