Memories of Feelings

The Blue Bedroom

The bedroom had different shades of light blue mixed with the white ceiling and door, that gives it a calm atmosphere.
There were two windows, one on the North side and the other on the South side. 
Two small in-wall wardrobes next to each window, a queen size bed with a green bedframe in the middle of all this. And a mirror was in front of the bed and next to the North sided window. 

This bedroom was for a good part of my teenage years mine, it used to be the room my grandparent shared when they were still together; in a washed-out pink and orange colour. 

In the Blue Bedroom, I hid. 
I hid from the world in which I wasn't accepted. 
The classmate whom thought I was an outsider for being a foreigner. 
The teacher whom said that being dyslexic and dysphasia made me a handicap, for them, for my classmate, for society.
My family, that called me a "fat cow" because I was overweight. 

The Blue Bedroom was a refuge from reality of: "You can't do it", "You won't make it", "Fat Cow!", "It's going to be too difficult for you, just give up", "Are you an idiot?", "You're ugly!", "Don't you understand? It's so simple!". 
I hid from reality to survive it, through the belief that the fictional world created in movies and series and my imagination was real - to me. 
It was the place I was alone, where I tried to survive but when reality in which we all live in came back to me, I suffocate. Which made me harm myself mentally and physicaly.
So I created a gap between fiction and the real world, but... I was lost wondering what is true? Am I real? What is love? 

The Blue Bedroom will always be for me a place of loneliness, of sadness. 
I was feeling blue in a blue bedroom. 
It's quite ironic...

So now, that I have been able to move out of the Blue Bedroom, emotionally and physically. I will try to keep the door close, so that I won't have to step foot in the sadness which is within this Blue Bedroom.