Something in the World Today

13

There’s a part of Louis that’s all but screaming that he shouldn’t be doing this, that he doesn’t need to be doing this when there’s someone waiting for him at home who can do it better, easier, and that part is so commanding that he feels like he’s drowning with it.

They’ve agreed that he needs to try, though, because they’re too codependent as it is and this entire thing is only making them worse at not being together.

“On your knees,” Mark says. There’s no hint of uncertainty in his voice, no hesitance. He knows what he wants Louis to do.

Louis doesn’t want to do it.

He does it anyway, because part of trying means really, actually trying, but he can’t deny that the way he does it is sullen, ungrateful. “Tell me the word,” Mark says, voice a little softer.

Louis’ eyes prickle a little. This is what he’s wanted for so long and now he’s chickening out. It’s not fair. Some days it feels like he’s going to crawl out of his skin unless he gets it and now that he finally has the opportunity his brain is rebelling.

“Cantaloupe,” Louis says, curling his fingers into his palms.

Mark’s quiet for a minute. “Okay. Now tell me the word again if you think that maybe you don’t want to do this.”

This should be the point at which Louis firmly, decisively keeps his mouth shut. It’s not like he won’t be able to use the word later if he needs to, and he trusts Mark to stop immediately if he does. It took a lot of research, a lot of searching to find him, but he’s a great dom. He’s the best dom that they could find, experienced and authoritative, and Louis is lucky that he agreed to give it a shot, because if any of this ever came out it would be both of their careers on the line.

“Cantaloupe,” Louis repeats. Mark takes three steps back and sits down on the floor, cross-legged.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he prompts. Louis breathes for a minute, in and out, looking at his own fingernails pressing indents into his palms. He doesn’t want to talk about it, not really, but if he doesn’t talk about it to Mark the only other person he could talk about it to is Harry, and that’s not an option.

“It’s so much easier to go under if it’s him,” he says eventually. He sits back onto his heels and continues not looking at Mark’s face, unsure of what he might find there.

Mark’s quiet for a long minute. “I’m not trying to make you feel bad or anything, but you know that it’s normal for a sub not to go under with a dom they’ve never played with right away, right? It takes some people a long time to get there. Some people don’t get there, and there’s nothing wrong with that. A lot of it has to do with compatibility.”

Louis wets his lips. “And if I said that sometimes it’s hard not to get there when he touches me, regardless of how he’s touching me?”

The silence is longer this time, stretching on for what seems like eons. “Please don’t take this the wrong way,” Mark says. “But would you like to get a cup of coffee?”

Half an hour later, with his hands wrapped around the shittiest tasting tea he’s ever had, Louis quirks an eyebrow and waits not so patiently for Mark to start talking.

It’s a lot different, being out with him in the light of day, in a place where anyone could wander by, see them, and take a picture. Less dangerous, sure, but at the same time scarier. The circles that Mark runs in tend to be close knit, almost incestuous. They talk, is the point, and the talk would inevitably be about Louis Tomlinson of One Direction sitting in a coffeeshop with a well known dom.