Amaryllis

24

Spring is a wonderful time, Harry thinks, especially if one lives in a forest. It's somehow childishly exciting, finding the first snowdrops lighting up the forest floor with greens and whites, and when all the tiny animal babies start emerging, he is in heaven.

Harry’s birthday goes by, a quiet affair with his favourite boys, very nice booze-infused cupcakes and sparklers, courtesy of Niall. Zayn cuts out an actual Happy Birthday banner, letter by letter, and Louis supplies some suspiciously mismatched party hats. The walls Harry had built between them slowly start crumbling. They end the day by falling asleep on the sofa while watching Ratatouille, and all in all, it’s one of the best celebrations Harry remembers having.

Slowly but surely, with every warm morning in Louis’s arms, he heals. The nightmares come and go, always the same, always full of frost and blood, but the bright spring sun melts the fear away when Harry sits on the front porch with his tea. Louis whispers soft words into his shoulder, solid and reassuring, always by Harry’s side as this beautiful thing between them takes life and grows again. There are many steps Harry has yet to take down the road to recovery, but he knows that he won’t be alone for a single one.

He doesn't even notice the time slipping by, really, back to his usual routine of minimal sleep and desperate studying and running through mud. Niall in particular gets attached to him all over again, and he drags him out several times for bonding time. Zayn and Liam have started warming to him again, slowly, and they obviously try. It's more than he could ever have asked for.

And Louis. Well.

Louis is still wonderful, always wonderful. They're mostly back to the way they were before Harry fucked everything up, sharing secretive smiles and grinning when they accidentally brush hands. There's a trust between them, a shared happiness, and Louis is holding nothing back whenever he looks Harry in the eye. Their touches, though, as frequent and intimate as they are, always come to a certain point at which both of them get awkward. Harry halts where he would have pressed an affectionate kiss to Louis's temple before, and Louis descends into a coughing fit whenever he realises he'd been unconsciously staring at Harry's lips. And that conversation Harry meant to have? Somehow keeps not happening.

It's not that he doesn't want to breach the topic, it's just that, well, he doesn't. Louis is so, so happy most of the time it's almost painful to watch because, as much as Harry tries to fight the feeling, he's afraid it won't last. If he brought it up, he can imagine the exact shade Louis's eyes would be as his expression would fall; it goes against everything Harry is, everything that he wants and hopes for for Louis. As a result, the unease in his stomach builds a little every day, and it gets harder and harder to ignore. It's a fight with himself, really, and those are the worst kind. Harry is quite good at getting lost in his head.

He'd like to do everything with Louis, is the thing. He wants Louis to be his for real, actual boyfriend, he wants them to fight over insignificant things and cry over sad animal films together and take cliché walks through the park hand in hand. He wants them to kiss and occasionally bump noses awkwardly and giggle about the sounds their tongues make, and he wants his bare arse pressed against every surface in the house as they christen the place. He wants them to actually be together when Harry is a useless uni graduate with a useless Bachelor's and Louis is still working in his beloved bookstore and hounding his boss for a raise, and after that, and in the far, far away future. He imagines what the house would look like all renovated and pretty and painted new, imagines colour schemes in pastels for some of the spare rooms and chasing tiny feet all over the place.

He's in too deep, and he really, really needs to start unravelling this ball of Louis until it resembles a timeline that makes at least a little sense. Step one: Talk about things you're meant to talk about. Step two: Cut it out with the awkward moments and snog him properly. Step three: Find out what werewolf sex is like.