Daddy Lauren (Laurinah/ Lauren G/P)

Damien Luke

Wowwww so like here's the update POOH

I uh got a surprise

You'll see

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"Lauren!!! LO!"

Lauren grabs at the air, trying to stop the annoying alarm.

"LAUREN! I'M CARRYING YOUR SON, GET THE FUCK UP AND FEED ME!" Dinah continues to yell.

Lauren wants to cry. It's been 9 and I do repeat, 9 long ass months of Dinah yelling, screaming, and fucking her to death. She wanted a vacation, and date she say, a sex sabbatical.

"I'm up! Jesus Christ Hansen, I'm fucking awake now!" Lauren snapped back. If she could induce her already she fucking would.

"Wow! WHAT ARE YOU YELLING FOR!?" Dinah yells in question. Y'all see the irony, who does that.

Oh. Moms. She's about to give birth. Wow. Anyway...

Lauren's currently fumbling through the kitchen, trying to see what she could cook her wildabeast of a babymomma, but she had zero ideas.

"Yo, DJ, what do you want to eat!"

"I'm right here, Lauren. Gosh, you're always yelling. Gonna make the neighbors mad."

Lauren turns to face the imaginary camera. Honestly, was anyone sure that she wasn't being punked? If you had told her a year ago, that she'd be moved in with her, not girlfriend, slash, babymomma, AND that hello, she's expecting a damn son; she would have died. But, life's insane and her dick made terrible choices.

Don't get her wrong, she loves kids, and is excited but the situation was not ideal.

"I'm not even going to entertain that, Dinah Jane, but what do you and Damien Luke want for lunch?"

Ah yes, Damien Luke. I know what some of you are thinking, that's a particular kind of name. Well, yes. Funny story, Dinah named him Damien because in anger one day, she decided that since he's half of Lauren, he had to be devilish. So, in turn, Lauren gave him a second first name, that was biblical; Luke.

"Well, he wants PB and J, and I want a New York Strip. So, we'll have both, please. Thanks, Daddy Lo," Dinah jokes at the end. She's started calling her Daddy Lo for obvious reasons. She's not pregnant out of wedlock for nothing. Lauren was fantastic in bed, and based on her pregnancy book readings, she'd be a great parent to Damien Luke.

Also, she calls her that when she wants some. And she wants some. Now.

"Dinah, don't call me that, I know what that means and your doctor said we needed to be more careful. You're being induced in a week if he doesn't come out! Besides, I don't wanna like hit his head or anything, ya know?"

Dinah rolled her eyes back to Samoa and back. "Your dick is big, Lo, but it's not THAT big. Besides, maybe you'll make me speed up the process and remind that lil boy to hurry the fuck up. I miss my waist and he's already too spoiled!"

Lauren purses her lips, but continues to grab ingredients and spices.

"What, no comment? Damn, you really gonna dent me dick? Like who are you?"

Lauren sighs, "Dinah, I'm a soon-to-be parent who's worried about our kid. I will gladly fuck you any other time. Doctor said not until you heal AFTER pregnancy! No, go annoy Camila or some shit, and let me cook."

Dinah is pissed and slightly proud of Lauren showcasing great parental judgement. But she's gonna pop off anyway.

"Well, if you're not getting it from me, then you're getting it from somewhere else. I know you, and I know what I'd be doing. So whoever the bitch is, she better be clean and drama free. Just a reminder I'll beat that bitches ass in a heartbeat once I give birth!"