Where Two Collide

Chapter Forty-Two - Alice

Chapter Forty-Two

Alice

When you're afraid of people driving you in cars, you quickly find coping mechanisms to deal with being driven around. In circumstances where your fear is heights, it's easy just to avoid heights entirely, but you can't do that with cars, they are too much a part of everyday life to avoid entirely. So, to be able to sort of get on with your life as best as you can, you find ways to ease the discomfort.

For me, especially when driving with Owen, it was the need to steady myself that bothered me the most. Acceleration brought a sense of loss of control and I had to brace myself somehow. The safety handle was the automatic option, especially when I was terrified, but I didn't want Owen to feel bad every time I got scared. I didn't need him to know that every time I got in the car; I was scared I was going to die. So instead I gripped the seat of my chair, sometimes under my legs where I could force every bit of energy into my fingers to grip onto the fabric. Other times I'd tuck my hands under my upper thighs and dig my nails into my legs, the sharp pain distracting me from the fear.

I struggled to keep the fear from showing on my face too, and I knew he was always watching when he drove me, making sure I was okay. I wasn't good at blank expressions; I couldn't rest my face like that. Instead, I turned my head to the window as though I was interested in the world passing by outside. What I was really doing was squeezing my eyes closed, pressing them so tight together that I could almost pretend I was anywhere else until the car ride was over.

If he ever knew what I was doing, he never admitted it. So as far as I was concerned, I was sparing his feelings and was successfully keeping my fear pushed deep down inside where nobody could see.

It was still light out when we arrived at his parent's house, I could see the sun now beginning to set from the floor to ceiling windows in their dining room. We'd had quite a bit of sun recently, today wasn't as nice as it had been, with a faint mist on the air and wisps of clouds in the sky. There was this crisp freshness though, that you only got in early April with the cut grass and new flower buds finally blooming. Spring was easily my most favourite time of year.

"It's so lovely to get to meet you," said Ange. Owen's mum had asked me to call her Ange the moment I'd stepped through the front door. I wasn't used to calling people's parents by their first name, let alone a nickname. It felt strange and almost foreign to me. "We rarely get to meet any of Owen's friends, or girlfriends." She looked pointedly at Owen.

"It's nice to meet you too," I said, trying not to stare too much at my plate of roast dinner. I was usually more confident than this, but for some reason I was so nervous I was struggling to speak.

Owen sniffed and forked several mouthfuls of his dinner into his mouth.

"Alice, tell me, what do you have planned after high school?" asked Owen's dad, Tom. He had the stance of someone who'd served in the military, stern and rigid. I hadn't seen him smile yet, but he'd given me an appreciative nod after I'd shaken his hand earlier.

"I wanted to see the world a bit before I really jump into my career but..." I looked at Owen hesitantly, who didn't appear to be paying attention. But I'd already agreed to stay put. "I'm playing with the idea of business school or veterinary school at the moment. I'd love to have a really solid career in the office, my grandfather was a Sales Director, so maybe something like that. I also really love animals and think I'd like to work with them for my job too."

"Both strong choices," said Tom. He put down his fork and lifted his glass of wine, taking a sip before glowering at Owen. "It's a shame not everyone has such clear career aspirations."

Owen shot him a look. "I told you I'm going to play rugby," he said taking another bite of his food.

Owen's dad's forehead creased. "That's not a career. Besides, at this rate you'll not even be on the school team at graduation. Not with your temper. Why would any colleges accept you for that?"