My RPR Boyfriend

Present

France

Here I am, standing by the balcony as I stare at the night sky full of stars. Is he doing okay? I thought as I felt the cold wind brush through my skin.

What went wrong?

What happened to us?

Did.. Did you fall out love?

No, did you even love me..?

Thoughts went through my mind as I closed my eyes, reminiscing everything that happened before.

His face, his laughs, his jokes, and everything about him.. It haunts me every day and night.

"I love you, fweak."

"I'm one hella' lucky guy to have you wrapped around my finger.."

"I'll do everything.. But please don't leave me.."

Damn. I love him so much. He's the right guy, I know. But what did I do wrong?

"France?"

I turned around and saw my cousin, Rence, looking at me with concern written on his face.

"Why are you still up, Paris? Nightmare?" He asked as he looked at me with those chinese-like eyes. Rence Vladmir Villanueva.

He's an older cousin of mine who stayed with me during the nights where I cried nonstop. He stayed with me when I got hospitalized after having a serious asthma attack. He helped me through all those times when I was suffering.

Damn I love this cousin of mine.

"Yeah. My worst nightmare." Sarcasm was what came out of my mouth as I chuckled lightly and faced in front again.

He rolled his eyes and walked beside me, also resting his arms on the veranda.

"Damn, Joelle. That 'Daniel' again? I told you to stop thinking about him!" He hissed under his breath and I rolled my eyes. My cousin hates him, to death. And when I say he hates him, I totally mean it.

A helpless sigh was heard from me as I looked blankly ahead, slightly shivering at the wind.

"How can I stop thinking about him if he's the one who made my heart whole once again?"

He cringed in disgust and I saw that at the corner of my right eye.

"Yeah, right! But then he broke it apart! Shit why can't you just forget about him?!" He slightly raised his voice and I met his gaze with mine, sadness and pain evident in my voice and in my eyes.

"How can I forget when thinking of him every day and night just makes me feel all better despite my stupid disease? My severe asthma attack? My hallucinations and delusion? Damn. You don't know how much he means to me even if he hurt me too much, Rence. I don't want to be sick anymore. But it's impossible for my illness to disappear in just a snap."  I volumed up a bit.

Tears rolled down my cheeks but I tried to stop because having extreme emotiond just makes my condition much worse than it is right now.

I saw his face softened at that and he quickly pulled me in for a hug, soothing my back as he sighed.

"I.. I'm sorry. I just.. really don't want seeing you in pain like this." He mumbled softly and I closed my eyes as I felt sleepy all of a sudden.

I just felt that I was lifted and carried back inside and maybe to my room before I drifted off to sleep.

★ ◇ ★ ◇ ★ ◇

"What do you think you're doing in that website?"

I gasped and quickly closed my laptop. I turned around only to meet gazes with Rence, who had an eyebrow raised.

"N-nothing.." I quickly looked away and gulped, turning back to my laptop and restarting it sneakily.

I could here footsteps coming closer to where I was seated. Damn.

" 'Nothing' ?! You were doing nothing, huh, Joelle?!"

*BLAG*

I flinched in my seat when he threw the can of drink he was holding.

"You. Were fucking booking a flight, papunta saan? Sa CEBU! Liloan, Cebu, kung saan nakatira yung gag*ng yun! Goddamn kailan ka ba titigil diyan sa lalaking 'yan, ha?! Ganyan ka na ba talaga ka-baliw diyan sa Daniel na 'yan?!" He yelled in anger.

I knew borrowing his laptop would be a bad idea. Pero mas malala kung gagamitin ko ang mga gadgets ko because mom will see everything doon. Makikita niya na binubuksan ko pa rin ang www.roleplayrepublic.com. Especially yung mga profiles ni Daniel.

But I think using Rence's was worst than using my own laptop.

"I.. I was just browsing through it, kuya! I-I don't have plans on-" I was about to fire back but;

"No! You stop it, Joelle! Ang dami pang rason para maging masaya ka ulit! You can learn to love again! With what happened between you two, that'd make you realize your mistakes and learn new things! You have many reasons to acknowledge for your heart to go on!  Ikaw pa nga nagsabi sakin pati na rin sa mga kaibigan mo na 'No matter what happens, you need to keep a smile on your face and live on with your life'! But why can't you do the same thing?! Dahil lang ba kay Daniel ha?!  Ganyan ka na ba talaga ka-desperada sa kanya?!"

- That shut me up. I realized kung gaano na ako ka-baliw kay Daniel.

And I also realized, that I have to stop. Stop pestering him. Stop making my way back to his life again. Stop getting my hopes up. And most importantly, stop loving him.

Rence was right.

With what happened between me and Daniel, it just proved that we're not the ones for each other.

Because if your loved one leaves and comes back, then he or she's the one for you.

But if they don't, then they're not..