I was alone I couldn't ask anyone for help,he was no where to be found and I acted okay with it ,with a smile on my face and all the pain in the world.
If you would have asked me right then and there to jump of a bridge and told me it would be painless and without consequences I would do it fuck I would even do it in a heart beat .
I'm not weak I'm not the type to cry over every little thing but considering my situation I was allowed to cry at least for an hour to let the pain out but I didn't I kept saying ,"later you'll cry later because right now you have no one ,You have to be strong and deal with it yourself " it's not that I didn't want to cry its just that I wanted to cry in the arms of someone I trusted in the embrace of someone who would hold all my pieces together when I fell apart but deep down I knew no one could help me hell some people either wouldn't or didn't have the means to help me and I didn't know the others well enough for them to help me. It's funny how all the people I trusted all the people I thought had my back and I had theirs were nowhere to be found I was on my own,but I don't blame them it was my problem not theirs but they could have called to check up on me I would have even accepted a measly text saying "hey, you good?",but there was nothing it was quiet ,I had to ask myself if I needed new friends or if I ever had friends at all
. Mdu is his name
His an asshole but I really needed him right now just for a hug and for someone to tell me its going to be ok and that I could let it out ,I need you to be there if I make it out on my own I will never be the same again... p.s I'm scared shitless
