I don't leave bed often.
I checked my window screen for holes. There are none. However, the ants keep coming.
Do ants get tired? The move fast, with determination. I do nothing but lay in my bed all day, and I am still tired. I am still weak. I do not feel the motivation ants feel. They do more than survive. They live. They have goals, even if they seem small and irrelevant to others. They work for their food, carrying some home to their queen.
Do ants have queens? Or is that just bees?
Community. Ants build great communities. They work together to build their homes, to feed each other. Every ant is feels essential to the system. What is it like to feel essential? Needed?
When I was younger, a beetle found its way into my room and crawled over my chest while I was half asleep. I jumped out of my bed and freaked out. I ran to my dad and begged him to come hunt down and kill the bug. He never found it. I slept on the couch that night.
Yesterday I was laying in bed and watched as an ant followed the curve of my wrist. I didn't jump out of bed. I closed my eyes. When my eyes opened again, the ant was gone.
Sometimes I see movement out of the corner of my eye. I look, thinking it is an ant. Often, there is nothing there.
A small ant infestation has somehow become something I have spend hours thinking of. I should tell my parents about the ants. My dad might spray bug repelent and get rid of them. Maybe. But for some reason I don't think so. The ants will stay. Just like my broken ceiling light. My light has been broken for 4 years. My dad said he would fix it.
My dad says a lot of things.
I won't tell my parents, just to be safe. I think I want the ants to stay. I think more about the ants then anything else. I am fascinated by them. Obsessed, even.
