Innocence(l.s)✔

Chapter 13

Toplinson all the wayy. And yet we can all agree that they do kinda share that really🙃

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"Yes, yes, I understand. Alright, bye." Jay ended the call, quickly placing her phone back in her bag. She prepared herself for her last patient for the day, seating herself at her place. A women who looked in her mid forties walked in, eyes darting from one place to another. From years of experience her demeanor told Jay that she was troubled emotionally, hands jerking with nervousness, scared. She sat in her seat, taking deep breaths, glancing a quick look at her concerned face before looking away.

"Good Morning Mrs. Selley, I'm Joannah Tomlinson and I will be your therapist. You may call me Jay" Jay greeted in her professional therapist voice. She received no reply in return from the women, who just stared at the ground unresponsive.

"May I call you Anne?" Jay asked used to her patients being silent.

"Anne if you aren't able to answer me, I wouldn't be able to assist you." She said kindly. " By going for therapy you're halfway through your path to treatment and you should be proud of yourself."

"Shall we start?" Anne nodded her head, raising her head up to face her. Jay smiled encouragingly, placing a hand on her shoulder.

"Tell me your problem." Jay started, notepad and pen ready.

"You already know." Anne said, hands clasped together.

"I want to know your point of view."

"I don't know how to explain." Anne said uncomfortable, shifting around in her seat. "..It's....I'm...not able to accept my son."

Jay gave her a questioning look placing her pen down. "That isn't what you have told us, is it?"

"That isn't of concern to me, but I thought it would be necessary." Anne said firmly.

"I do understand your situation, but seeming as that is the root of all your problems it's better if we start from there." Jay said, leaving her notepad aside. "Tell me-how to you feel after the divorce?"

"Relieved. I couldn't be more happy." Anne said. "I know that it's what's best for me and my son, Harry. Gemma too. "

"But you still love him?"

"I try to forget him."

Jay nodded understandingly. "Does it haunt you in anyway?"

"Always. In my dreams, anything that reminds me..w-when I talk with Harry...I-It just, reminds me of the mistakes I've made-" she stopped, trying to calm herself down.

"What do you feel?"

"Guilt, shame, a-and it's- I'm not able to-I forget the last time I've talk to him properly." Anne's eyes brimmed with tears, hands trembling. "I treat him horribly and I never engaged in anything since, I-I don't k-know..."

"Your children?"

"Two, the older is Gemma, she's in university and Harry...he's in high school."

"How does Harry react to this?" 

"H-He bears with me, even though I'm so horrible to h-him, n-never complains-I feel like a horrible mother."

"You shouldn't drown-grade yourself like that." Jay said immediately. "You weren't in the right state of mind and that is a valid reason, anybody could see that."

"About your son, what do you not accept about him?"

"I do-I do accept him he-that was just my first reaction to him being gay. A-At the time I reacted to everything with h-hatred and really-I- I remember how scared he was when he first told me-and I- ..."

"Anne, the first thing you should be doing is talking with your son." Jay said gently. "He must be going through a lot at this point and you should let him know everything, talking will help in your situation. Imagine how it must feel for him."

"I know but I can't-it took me a while to push myself in for therapy, I'm still not sure and when I look at him I'm reminded of s-so much and i-it breaks me-I never mean to..." Tears were streaming down her face freely, distressed.

"Start with small things. Be kind and human with him, I'm sure you can do that. Think happy thoughts, and remember that he's a person. He's your son. He deserves just as much." Jay looked into Anne's scared eyes, comforting her as much as she could.

"I believe you've already picked up on some things to do to calm yourself. Think before you do or say anything, is it causing harm to you or others-and believe in yourself. If you believe that you can change, then you can." Anne nodded, attempting a weak smile, to which she smiled back.

"Do you think Harry would-?"

"N-No, don't- I don't want him to know." Anne said shaking her head frantically. "It's better to not..."

"Alright." Jay glanced up at the clock to look at the time, 2 minutes left. "I guess we'll discuss about that in the next session."

"I'm going to give you a journal." Jay said, rummaging in her bag and pulling out a small  leather-bound book, giving it to Anne. 

"You have to write down your nightmares, one good thing you've done, anything bad that might've have happened, and so on. Treat it like your diary and I promise you it'll help. Do you think you'll be able to do that?" 

She looked at Anne who seemed hesitant, unsure. 

"If it helps, even I keep a diary." Jay said to her. "It helps sometimes to let out all your emotions. You're not alone, thousands of people have been through this like you and I'm positive that you'll overcome it."

Anne took the book and held onto it tightly, looking straight at her. Jay offered her a genuine smile, standing up from her seat.

"We'll have our next session on Tuesday." she said leading her to the door. "If you ever need to talk to me you have my number."

"Have a nice day." Jay said, opening the door.

"You too." Anne said, rubbing her hands out of the cold.

She nodded, heading out of the door in a hurry. Jay sat back down at her seat with a sigh, frowning. She couldn't help but think that Anne had looked familiar... she reminded her of someone...

Shaking it off, she packed her bags, getting ready to go back home. Smiling at the thought of Louis ranting away about his day excitedly, she started her walk to the parking lot.

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THE IRONY XDD