sukria

story of my failed friendship

Disclaimer:- It's not something which ends well it's just a diary entry or my feelings that I'm saving and sharing up with u guys I wish you all would like it,💔

________________________

Being a girl is not easy
And if you're more emotional then Life is always so crazy.......

It's just a story of mine presented by my mind
All about the insecurities and issues I noticed and find.......

If you think being a single girl is fun,
Then why do I want to run......

I did everything they expected from me
But guess what, it was never enough to them

My mum loves me a lot I know
But I can't see it in her actions why so?

A person need friends in life
But that department I also got no luck.......

I thought I had great friends in school but they never told me I was not that cool.........

I thought by laughing at my own self will make them like me on my own

but that just broke me when I used to think about it alone......

I moved on from them and thought it's happens it's ok
but little did I know I was never fine....

Still not used to loosing the hope I made new friends
unfortunately they also turned out to be not real one's

They used me till the time they can
After using me the let me alone to drain

I forgave and forgot them
And moved on to make more than

You think I shouldn't be so naive one to go again but guess what I didn't lose the hope that made me try again and again

I didn't wanted to loose hope since I used to be an optimistic
Came a time when I had only opportunists

I meet few girls when entered in college,
made my mind they're best reagadless my lacking knowledge

We spent three years of togetherness  It felt like we were so real but now I know it was illusional

We went places to places, shared stories and stories, every day and every minute was about us five shining stars that's what we were like........

We used to shine among the rest
Our friendship used to be the best

Everything took a turn and changed
When college finished up and we had to sperate because of our train

No we were not moving to another cities but now that I look back I feel like we should've

It would have been better if we were in other states
Atleast we wouldn't have been on this stage...

So there was five of us and like every relationship,
we also had some rough patch

At that time of ups and downs it used to be two versus three
one side with me used to be a girl only
where as rest was with someone else they were powerful since they had great effect

Even we were ok with it since we came back to one
but I never knew there was a line where it was clear it's always her they'll choose

I was, I am, and guess will always be emotional girl
is that the reason why I'm in trouble once in a while

I used to be the go to person of everyone in group not just for works they needed from me but also because I was the main topic of thier laugh

I tried to ignore them calling me judging me that time
now that I'm thinking about it it feel like I did crime......

I should be the one standing for myself at times
I feel so stupid that they did it to me....

So days went weeks went
after college it was like a dent

We had conversation as much as we could......
I don't know was it enough
we all think it would

No it was not enough if it's not two ways
we all know that how we were going away

One friend had boyfriend,
other had job,
one had a dream,
one had the ego,
I was not even genorus to devote time I thought we were really fine

Now sitting here writing this makes me so sad
that from what to what we are now it's probably so mad

Had lost all the contact to people I believed
because they no longer have my need

One of my friend is so mean
I can't feel like she's even my friend for so long

I feel sick whenever I think about the what the girl she once was and now what she is its unrecognisable to me anymore

I don't know is she even same girl or its just a disguise

She's changed,
I'm changed,
Everyone did
but our friendship is still there!
I wonder why is it even fair?

I don't know if I like her anymore because of the things she did
She is now not a good person once I liked

She used to say we have similarities a lot I'm glad we no longer had same thought

She loves someone and I support her truly
but was worth all the fighting really

She's with the man she loves and I'm happy for her
But what I'm not happy about is how she is now....

She's a whole new person to whom I can't relate
but for a fact I can't complain
because I'm also some one she no longer knows

I can not hear someone say a bad thing about the people I love
but clearly she can which means there's no love?

She can hear people judging me on my behavior and be silent about it
Even supporting them
But she can't tell that to her own best friend she need a mediator in them.....

It's been a roller coaster ride
from the day I was born
and I guess I'm no longer having fun

I just wanted to be loved the way I love people
To make me open up to them automatically and it didn't happen technically

Thier are still secret's they have no idea about
I was never confident enough to tell them what my fear is all about

I'm crying ,
I'mweeping.....
all the time I think about my life
I feel like I never had someone
Who loves me the way I want or like

I do know how people talk behind their back
Thinking they don't know a thing
But trust me people
that's because we don't want you win

We or I know how hard it is to keep in touch
With the ones who talks shit about you behind your back
This is the whole reason why I'm so sad.......

I know it may portrait my friends as horrible person but no guys they're not
It's just me and my expectations that's what hurt

I expected a little too much from them they didn't know I wasn't feeling well

I know I loved them a some stage of my life
Bjut I don't think I'm happy anymore where this is going to go
I'm not even ready to let them go

So what I'm doing is making my distance from them so one day they'll realise I'm not interested anymore

They'll accuse me but I will have my peace I will no longer fake it then only I can make it

It hurts a lot leaving them but I know someday I will win
There are things I used think was right that our future was bright

I no longer feel the need it's nothing more just pure greed.........

_____________________
Is it relatable please do tell me I feel like I'm done with life it's just the way I sum up the years I lived failing in department of friendship