I am lesbian. As much as I would like to express myself to the society, it is very hard for me because of the experiences I had growing up in the Philippines. I always knew that I wanted to be with women, but where I grew up, it was (and still is) said to be wrong. Really wrong. I was always taught that it's sick, perverted, sinful and abnormal to feel an intense love for someone of my own sex. But even in my youngest days, I always played with the girls and never had an interest in boys. As i got older, my real "bestfriend" who I would always talk to was a girl. She also became my partner.
We were together for four years while I attended highschool. Our relationship was a secret, a very very big secret.. Not to my friends but to the other folks who are close to my girl's side. The fingerpointing and threats were too much for me to handle.
Even in areas where me being a lesbian is more accepted, it is not easy to discover that you are gay. There are always people, even your friends, who make it very clear.. They start by telling terrible, annoying, hurtful jokes, and spreading hateful shits about you. No wonder you might choose to hide your same-sex feelings from others. You might even try to hide them from yourself.
The big question is "Am I normal?" Well guess what, yes you are normal. There have always been people who are attracted to same sex. It's normal and healthy to be yourself, whether you're lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans or heterosexual. I don't believe people decide who they fall in love with. It comes naturally, it comes unexpectedly. Like us being gay.. I didn't choose to be gay; it found me, it's simply who I am.
I just wish I could always be myself without ever being A F R A I D.
